Baggage Claim: Dropping your luggage at the feet of the King

Infiltrating my apartment the last few weeks (besides the sticky humidity) has been the peppy beat of one of my favorite singers, Dara MacLean:

How can you move when they’re weighing you down
What can you do when you’re tied to the ground, yeah
You carry your burdens, heavy like gravity
Just let them go now, there’s freedom in release

You can’t run when you’re holding suitcases
It’s a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart
Lay down your guard, you don’t have to be afraid

Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There’s a better way when you know you’re forgiven
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don’t have to be afraid

Can you imagine what it’s like to be free
Well, send those bags packing, they’re not what you need
Abandon your troubles on the side of the street
Just let them go now, believe me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYMM3FYPv30

In the midst of this catchy tune, an all-too-necessary truth meets me face to face.  How often do we carry all of our baggage with us--totally weary and just longing for the day when we can just drop it at the luggage carousel of no return?  In the spirit of full disclosure, I know that I sure do! This song reminds me that Christ is constantly asking me to drop those bags and let him carry the load.  A lot of times, I know that my baggage of past experiences is not healthy or helpful in my life, but I live carrying it with me because I "know" my baggage. It's comfortable and almost a part of me because I have been carrying it for so long.  But what would it be like to be free??

As I self-reflect on my baggage---I carry around me a huge fear of failure.  This baggage weighs me down sometimes from fully taking the leaps of faith that the Lord places right before me.  Like a Mary-Poppins bag---my luggage is bulging with so many miscellaneous items. However, my bags are filled with the lies that say, "If you fail--if this is not a success--YOU are a failure."   It's even filled with  prideful lies that make me believe that if I see success in my life, it's because of me and something I've done right.  But I love how God continues to pursue my anxious, prideful  heart and take my over-filled, weighty luggage and refill it with the truths that somehow make the load so much more bearable.

Just the other day, I was reading in my study of Isaiah Chapter 41, where it says (vs. 9-10)  "You whom I took from the ends of the earth, and called from its farthest corners, saying to you, "You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off"; fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Let me tell you, God has really been  whispering into my heart with that scripture right to where I am in life. He has definitely surprised me beyond belief with the way different opportunities have grown beyond what I ever imagined.  There are opportunities for me to take credit for a lot of hard work that I've put into my work.  But at the end, it's my prayer that I would never be fooled by my baggage of insecurities that tempt me to take the credit for this success.  It's only because God is with me, and He strengthens me, and He helps me, and He upholds me with His righteous hand that I have been able to hurdle the stumbling blocks along the way on this journey.  I need to continually lay my bags at he feet of the Lord and take a sincere look at what's inside.  And I think as I do---I will find a freedom and joy (not completely free of struggle and strife) but full contentment and peace in who Christ is and who I am as a daughter of the King.

**Post was inspired by this youtube video!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrvJIznZKtU

Questions I'm pondering:
1.) What would it look life if we saw the baggage behind the behavior and spoke into the lives of others out of the eyes of Christ?
2.) What baggage is the Lord asking you to let him carry?

Stumbling through Life---humbled by the chains

Lord God,

All I can do is take a deep breath in and exhale.  Today I write to simply expel the mulling of my mind somewhere else...anywhere else outside of this crazy brain of mine.

Last weekend at the conference I went to, I felt like a got a gift of a small glimpse of your vast heart--your heart for the hurting, the traumatized, the outcasts. Your heart to see restoration and hope in the darkest corners of the earth both here and abroad.  You've brought me to an awareness of human trafficking before. You melted my heart for that before. And I have always come away saying, "I want to do something." I dream up large scale plans of safe houses and doing great things. These things are not bad in an of themselves, but if I'm truly honest with myself...why do I want these things?  Am I motivated only with a need to satisfy my heart that cries out, "That's not fair."'  Am I really motivated by my selfish desire to be used in your story of making the broken whole again? The common theme of all of these motives is to benefit Me?

As I listened to the therapist from Exodus Cry speak about the tenderness and compassion you feel for each of the women and children trapped in these horrific circumstances, all that shone through is your goodness and humility. Lord, it is so easy for me to want to go and "save" individuals harbored by this type of pain.

But when I am truly and deeply honest, I think the reason the circumstances of these women compel me to want to do something is because I connect even in what may seem small or insignificant way with them. Their captivity may be extremely evident on the outside, but I have my own leashes and chains holding me captive, less visible on the inside. Their bondage may take the form of short skirts, skimpy tops, and high heel shoes--it may appear that they have chosen this life of bondage.  But who really ever chooses bondage?

Their bondage is packaged on the outside, just evident enough on the outside for others to judge and degrade them. But yet, you see the same bondage with a different wrapping clinging to my heart. The wrapping is getting tighter, trying to cut off the oxygen to my source of life--you! My bondage takes the form of trying to temper my loneliness with overindulging in whatever food I can get my hands on, in those moments of feeling too in touch with my emotions of loneliness.  The temporary relief from the reality of pain somehow seems worth it in that moment when I finish of the whole bag of popcorn...ALL BY MYSELF, in one sitting. And yet I get the blessing of hiding this bondage. I can keep it to myself and pretend like it does not exist. No one can see from the outside, and the cycle of my bondage perpetuates and grows.

And yet, why does my bondage seem so much less than the bondage these women face?  I am not demeaning their trauma and bondage by any means. It is intense, unreal, and unfathomable.  But what I am trying to get at is this......bondage takes many forms. We can classify it how ever we want...but the same characteristics exist with every form----a desire to be filled, a desire to be complete and a desire to numb ourselves from the reality of our humanness and our world with anything that gives a promise to get us to the next minute, next hour, next day, etc.

So when I begin to think about "saving" the vulnerable from bondage, maybe the first place I need to start is letting the only one who can truly save, humble me to take a look at my own chains of bondage. This unhealthy, emotion driven relationship with food I have had for so many years has been my fall back when things get rough. The anxiety is resolved by extreme self-discipline and control of food intake. The loneliness is resolved by excessive amounts of peanut butter and cookie dough. And each one makes me miss an opportunity to experience the fullness of your heart.

Lord, I want these women and children to be free. I want them to be quenched by the only water that can sustain.  But if I am ever going to be used by you, I have to understand and be humbled by the fact that I am NO different.  We (they and I) all have bondage, it's just packaged differently.

So, I commit to you not to try and "save" the world--because my efforts are futile anyway. It's so silly to even think that I have actually thought that I could change this massive issue.  But I do commit to action---to YOUR action.  I commit to pray for human trafficking and the specific locations a few blocks down where
forms of this atrocity could take place.  I commit to following the leading of your spirit to go through the doors that open. And last but not least, I commit to searching your word to really delve into your heart for this matter and seek refuge in you as the key to unlocking my own chains. And I fully believe that YOUR action has the power to abolish this atrocity from the world. It will be by YOUR strength and YOUR goodness, YOUR wisdom, YOUR faithfulness, and YOUR grace that I would have the privilege to see and be a part of the work that YOU are doing to bring restoration and hope, just like you did with the Isrealites.

Isaiah 16:3-5 is a great example of your heart, Lord
"Give Counsel; grant justice;
make your shade like night
at the height of noon;
shelter the outcasts;
do not reveal the fugitive;
let the outcasts of Moab
sojourn among you;
be shelter to them
from the destroyer,
When the oppressor is no more,
and destruction has ceased,
and he who tramples underfoot has vanished from the land,
then a throne will be established in steadfast love,
and on it will sit in faithfulness in the tent of David
One who judges and seeks justice and is swift to do righteousness.

Lord, this is my prayer. That as I engage with clients experiencing the trauma of being a vulnerable outcast in society, I pray that I would speak from a place of humbleness and as a person who just like them feels overwhelmed by the oppression and emotions of this world.  I pray that out of my brokenness and bondage, healing continues to happen, so much so that I can also speak into the hope that comes in your process of restoration and refinement.  I lay before you my fear of admitting that I experience loneliness--that the thought of having a Friday night without plans can send me to the cookie jar faster than a cheetah hunting down prey.

And Lord, I pray that I will embrace what you have to offer. I pray that I will embrace my desire to find someone here on Earth and not feel shamed by the cultural statements of "independence and self-dependency." But I will also hold onto the truth that no person on Earth will shield me from loneliness or emotions I would prefer not to experience.
Through faith that you will meet the desires of my heart, I openly pray for the man you have for me Lord. I pray that you lead and guide him into being a man of honor--a man steadfast in you.  Father, if there is one characteristic I pray for in a husband, it would be that his heart would mirror your heart for justice---your heart for the vulnerable--and your heart for restoration.

Father these are the honest and true words of my heart. Thanks for clasping them in your hands and continually giving me grace as I stumble through this life.

I love you!

Just as I am

Just as I am, without one plea,
but that thy blood was shed for me
and that Thou bidst me come to Thee,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Vintage. This word in its purist form means, "2. Characterized by excellence, maturity, and enduring appeal; classic." I think this adjective sums up the timeless hymn, "Just as I am" that has been echoing throughout my mind today. These age old words ring true today more than ever.

"Just as I am." Wow...these words are powerful. How often do we...do I...search for someone or something to accept us just the way we are? Someone who's love is not conditional, but someone who sees the deepest parts of who we are (the best and the worst) and loves us anyway. The person who can unravel our masks of perfection and "having it together" and encourage us that in our weakness it his He who is strong. We long for some security in knowing that we will not be left alone, because this love for me "just the way I am" is sturdy and indestructible.

If I'm honest, sometimes I find myself angry with God for the qualities in my personality that I don't care so much for. I work, I strive, and actually believe some days that if I just tried a little harder to be who I think God wants me to be and who I want to be---that I may actually get there. However, I think there are many flaws in my logic here. Essentially, by spending so much time trying to "become" who God wants me to be, I lose sight of the fact that I am already who he wants me to be. Nothing I can do will make him love me anymore or any less. Does he want me to grow? Absolutely. But will he love me when I don't achieve my goal of becoming a morning person, and hit the snooze button instead? Will he still love me in my moments of laziness and irresponsibility? YES!

In a world where we place so many conditions on other people to "earn" respect...to earn our trust...to earn our devotion, it's always refreshing to come back to that place of solace--where we don't have to "earn" anything. The gift is free--and it's already been paid in full. As I celebrate that free gift Christ has given me, I also want to learn to rejoice in who he has designed me to be. I want to crave that place and relationship with God, where he sees right through my exterior and straight to me heart. I will run to the place where "just as I am" is "more than enough".

I don't need to search for that someone or something to accept me the way that I am--because I am gently supported in the arms of the only unconditional giver of life and love--my heavenly father.

Lord,

I can't begin to thank you for loving me just as I am. How tiring it can be to not allow ourselves the same grace that you have given us already. I just pray that as I learn to further understand your unconditional love, it would become a natural outpouring of who I am. Thanks for loving every part of me---the good and the not so good.

Amen!

"The same God who was with you then is with you now
The same God who led you in will lead you out
So take all the fear and doubt
Go on and lay them down
The same God, the same God is with you now"

Newsong--The Same God

I'm clinging to these truths right now. Lately, I have been encouraged by thinking of my life and my role in this life as a character in a divine and epic story. That story being---the story of the death and resurrection of Christ. I am a character in God's unfolding story. Since I am not the author of this story, I will leave it in the hands of my maker to navigate my now and forever and my happy ever after.

Sometimes it is easy for me to forget, that the same God who pulled me through the valleys of my life before...is still the same God now and forevermore. The setting of this story may change...the joys and challenges make look a little different...but my Rock never does!

Lord God,

I am being humbled beyond measure. Each morning, I wake up and wonder why you have entrusted me with this life. I feel inadequate and failing in every measure. I crave balance in all areas of my life, but some days it feels like I cannot measure up.

But in these days I am waiting patiently, asking for help when I need it, and laying before you with a new found understanding of my need for you. I can't do it all on my own. But you let me rest in your strength. I don't have to pretend that I am a mighty superhero, I can truthfully demonstrate that I am a wounded sinner being carried in the arms of your grace and love.

At the same time, I pray that I would not fall prey to the "victim" complex. I cannot control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond. I have choices I can make. I can choose to give everything I've got and trust that it is enough. I can choose to cut myself some slack sometimes. I can choose to let things go. I can choose to live passionately, without fear. I HAVE A CHOICE.

I want to be more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37). And I have to remind myself...nothing can separate me from the Love of Christ. ....let me emphasize NOTHING....no emotions, fears, failures, stress, relationships. God's love is stuck on me like old chewing gum on the bottom of a school desk---firm and fast, stuck for the long haul.

Lord...this is my prayer. That you would breathe new life into me. Energize me with your passions. Strengthen me when things are difficult. Work at the condition of my heart--this heart that wants to give up sometimes, the heart that feels defeated, the heart that feels weary. I pray that this life of mine would be more about you and less about me. I pray that I would see serving others as an honor.

I love you Lord. Thanks for loving not just some of me...but all of me.

Beth Moore's poem reaches down and tugs gently at the corners of my heart that need these reminders of truth. My life is so not my own, and I can only hold on to the truth that I sometimes I just need reminded. Life may look completely different than I would ever imagine or dream; but God is up there weaving together a masterful plan--with eternal purposes that can sprout from the pain, uncertainty, and anxiety of life. I will choose to trust--I will choose joy--and I will not let satan have victory in my moments of vulnerability!

The Life I Planned
by Beth Moore


Has someone seen the life I planned?
It seems it's been misplaced
I've looked in every corner
It's lost without a trace
I've found one I don't recognize
Things missing that were dear
Promises I'd hope to keep
And dreams I'd dreamed aren't here
Faces I had planned to see
Hands I planned to hold
Now absent in the pictures
Not the way I told
Has someone seen the life I planned?
Did it get thrown away?
God took my hand from searching
Then I heard him say,

"Child, your ears have never heard
Your eyes have never seen
Eternal plans I have for you
Are more than you could dream.
"You long to walk by sight
But I'm teaching eyes to see.
I know what I am doing
'Til then, you must believe."
He's done so much, I felt ashamed
To know He heard my moans
To think I'd trade in all He's done
For plans made on my own.
I wept over His faithfulness
And how He'd proved Himself
How He'd gone beyond my dreams
And said to Him myself,

"No, my ears have never heard
My eyes have never seen
Eternal plans you have for me
Are more than I could dream.
"Yes, I long to walk by sight
But You're teaching eyes to see
You know what You are doing
'Til then, I must believe."
I felt His great compassion
Mercy unrestrained
He let me mourn my losses
And showed me to my gains.
I offered Him my future
And released to Him my past
I traded in my dreams
For a plan He said would last.
I get no glimpse ahead
No certainties at all
Except the presence of the One
Who will not let me fall.
Are you also searching
For a life you planned yourself?
Have you looked in every corner?
Have you checked on every shelf?

Child, your ears have never heard
Your eyes have never seen
Eternal plans He has for you
Are more than you could dream.
Perhaps you long to walk by faith
But He's teaching eyes to see
He knows what He is doing
Child, step out and believe.

Drenched in the weight of poverty and despair of my clients, today I came home and felt weak. I felt weak to the fact that I cannot change it today, maybe not tomorrow, and maybe not years from now. I felt like my day was spent constantly battling against the forces of hopelessness that rage in the days of those I try to serve. It was one of those days that I felt like I was moving full force and doing so many things, but getting no where--like in slow motion scene of a movie.

And at the end of this day, I have to come back and thank God for it. I thank God that he is willing to entrust me with the battle for hope with each of my clients. I thank God that I do not need to lean on my own strength and understanding. I thank God that I am so weak...so that he can be strong. It's difficult...it's hard...and sometimes I question why God led me to this place, but ultimately I will choose to Trust, even when I cannot see.

I don't have every answer in life
But I'm trusting You one day at a time
'Cause You can make a weak heart stay alive forever
this is where Heaven and Earth collide
I lift my hands and give my life
This is how my weary heart stays alive

Tonight these words from Sanctus Real pummeled me. The only way I will make it...the only way I can move forward is to life my hands and trust God with this life. I can't give up hope, that he is up to something bigger than me.

Fresh Starts and New Beginnings

Fresh. Clean. New. Fragrant like the ambition radiating from freshly washed laundry, waiting to be worn for a new adventure. Today, these are the words that come to mind as I've been pondering the New Year.

I love a clean slate and a New Year. I love the reminder that life is not stagnant--it is continually changing. When life seems like it's just not picking up, we have the hope that it will change with time. Maybe not immediately or in our own time frame, but ultimately new things happen.

The New Year has prompted me to look back on the last year and really look at how much life has changed in that year. There were moments I swore I was stuck and things would never change, and then eventually things changed drastically. I think sometimes I get so swallowed by my emotions in the moment, that I completely lose sight of the fact that God is working in that time.

For Christmas this year, I bought a wardrobe for my closet-less bedroom. Since I moved into my apartment in October, my room has been a disaster. Somehow, the new wardrobe, is symbolic for me. In the pre-wardrobe phase my room seemed chaotic and in turn made me feel chaotic. But with time and patience, it now feels organized, neat, and new.

I feel like that is what Christ does for me x10000000000. He offers newness and fresh starts everyday. Sometimes in the busyness and stress of life, I know I fall captive into the trap of losing hope that change can happen. But Christ is the reminder, that each day change is possible. But we need to stop trying to take the lead, and let him be the guide--trusting that he has something great in store.

So for the year ahead, my prayer is that Christ would bolster me with faith that endures hardship, stress, and struggle. And out of that, I pray that there would be a well-spring of joy that abounds from the Truth of knowing Christ.

I may not be able to control the way things work out in the coming year. But I do have a choice to choose faith. I officially choose faith today, no matter what the next day, week, month, or year brings.

Psalm 32:8, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." (NIV)

Lord,

Thanks for loving me, even in the days I don't seem to have much faith. I pray that you would give me a heart that is renewed by your holy spirit and grounded by your word. I praise you---because you have big things in store for me this year. Help me to trust and rest in the fact that I do not need to take control. You have it all in your hands. I can keep seeking you, and you will guide me where you need me.

I pray for others who may be struggling at times to keep hope in what is unseen. Times may get difficult, but I pray that you would give us spirits of perseverance.

Amen

Consuming Fire

As I was praying tonight before my devotions, the word consume, just kept coming to mind. I looked up the word on bible gateway,

and was brought to Hebrews 12:29.

 Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. Hebrews 12:29

Then, the lyrics of Consuming Fire by Hillsong started running through me mind.

There must be more than this, O breath of God come breathe within, There must be more than this, Spirit of God we wait for You.  Fill us anew we pray, Fill us anew we pray.  (Chorus) Consuming fire fan into flame, A passion for Your Name, Spirit of God would You fall in this place, Lord have Your way, Lord have Your way with us,  Come like a rushing wind, Clothe us with power from on high, Now set the captives free, Leave us abandoned to Your praise.  Lord let Your glory fall, Lord let Your glory fall.  Stir it up in our hearts Lord, Stir it up in our hearts Lord, Stir it up in our hearts Lord, A passion for Your Name.

Father God,

I just feel like all of a sudden, I am tempted to let my thoughts be consumed by hopes and dreams. It's not a bad thing,

but I guess I'm wondering if they are your hopes and dreams for me, or just my earthly flesh.  Lord, I pray that you would

turn my eyes fully back to you and trust that no amount of worry or thought will do anything for the situation that keeps popping

up in my mind. Lord, I am content in you. I continually experience that fullness. So, I pray that you would let that be enough in 

my heart. Lord, I pray that I would not entertain thoughts that take me away from your vision for my life.

Lord, at the end of the day, I pray that you would show me how to be a friend. I pray that out of intentional friendships, you would 

make me into the person you need me to be.  I pray that in these relationships we would sharpen each other and encourage each other 

towards you. Father, I thank you for each of the girls in my small group.  I thank you that they are all interested in committing to 

living life together and seeking you wholeheartedly together. 

Condition of the Heart

It's almost midnight, after a really long work day, and yet my heart has been stirring, yearning, and thirsting for a connection with God tonight. Over the last two months, life has gone from pretty lifeless to jam packed with a lot of great stuff. While two months ago, life felt a bit lonely and directionless...I notice in those times, I am so much more aware of God and the status of my spiritual life.

Now, while life is filled with a lot of great stuff, that time to really reflect has become smaller and farther between. Lord, I don't want to go back into old patterns of life. Lord I trust you in this season of life, and I just ask that you would show my a life balance that really illuminates your name. I pray that I would not take on so much, that my relationship with you suffers.

Lord, right now I just feel contentment. I can truly say that my thoughts now are more on how my life can bring others to know your transforming love, than how I can experience earthly love. Father, I just pray for the newness ahead the next month. I trust that you have a plan for the next year. I would hardly ever imagine that I would be at this place, and yet I know you seem to surprise me all the time with your divine purposes for each situation.

Lord, I just pray that you would continue to shape and mold me into who you need me to be. Your construction zone in my heart may hurt at times, but I just pray that the end result is something beautiful and something honoring to you.

Lord, I pray that you would help me take the steps and actions toward changes in my life. I at times don't know how to take that first step or what that looks life. So, I just pray that you would provide that wisdom.

Lord, please be with each of my MPACT girls. I praise you for the relationships that were built last weekend, and I just pray for continued openness amongst the group. Lord, I pray for those you bring into my life, that they would hunger for you.

Lord, I pray for the man I will marry someday. I pray that you are just at work in his life, preparing Him to be a man of servitude and humbleness-- a spiritual leader and encourager. Whoever He may be Lord, I just pray that you would make me into the woman he needs me to be.

Thanks for hearing my heart Lord, even at times when I am uncertain of the condition of my heart.

Aud

The Sweet Sweet Reunion with Fall:)

Coming out from work tonight...it was CHILLY!!!!! And that means only one thing.....Fall is on it's way. Right now...I should be packing for a retreat I am going on with church this weekend....but writing seemed like such a better option. Packing is something I strongly despise.

So...this week has been euphoric. It felt like it was the coming together of a year of great plans the Lord has in store. 1.) I started my new job and am so stoked about it. Nervous..yes, but totally excited. 2.) Kristen and I got an apartment!! AND...it's extremely close to work which is super exciting. 3.) MPACT is ramping up and I cannot wait to meet the girls in my group. 4.) My other part-time/ 1 night a week job is going so well and I get so pumped every time I see improvements, no matter how big or small with my clients. 5.) The Lord has been truly blessing me with a bunch of new friends--totally an answer to prayer.

So Praise the Lord for a Great WEEK! bahhhhh...now back to packing.

Coming to the Well

Leave it all behind,
Leave it all behind,
Leave it all behind,
Leave it all behind,

I have what you need,
But you keep on searchin,
I've done all the work,
But you keep on workin,
When you're runnin on empty,
And you can't find the remedy,
Just come to the well.

You can spend your whole life,
Chasin what's missing,
But that empty inside,
It just ain't gonna listen.
When nothing can satisfy,
And the world leaves you high and dry,
Just come to the well

CHORUS:
And all who thirst will thirst no more,
And all who search will find what their souls long for,
The world will try, but it can never fill,
So leave it all behind, and come to the well
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/casting_crowns/the_well.html ]
So bring me your heart
No matter how broken,
Just come as you are,
When your last prayer is spoken,
Just rest in my arms a while,
You'll feel the change my child,
When you come to the well

CHORUS:
And all who thirst will thirst no more,
And all who search will find what their souls long for,
The world will try, but it can never fill,
So leave it all behind, and come to the well

Yeah
Leave it all behind

The world will try, but it can never fill... leave it all behind

And now that you're full,
Of love beyond measure,
Your joy's gonna flow,
Like a stream in the desert,
Soon all the world will see that living water is found in me,
Cuz you came to the well

CHORUS:
And all who thirst will thirst no more,
And all who search will find what their souls long for,
The world will try, but it can never fill,
So leave it all behind, and come to the well

Last night, I sat scrunched in the front of my chevy cobalt, with the pitter patter of the seemingly endless rain storm harmonizing with the lyrics above. I was coming home from bible study, where the pastor eloquently emphasized that in our race towards Christ, we need to not only memorialize and remember the moments of God faithfulness, but forget and leave behind the things/lies in life that have no place or value next to the truth of God's faithfulness.

The lyrics washed over me like a warmth, in the chill of the coming fall--"And now that you're full of love beyond measure, your joy's gonna flow, like a stream in the desert, soon all the world will see that living water is found in me. Cuz you came to the well--Leave it all behind"

I just sat there, drinking in this truth. For that moment, my heart went back to the beginning. The memories flooded my mind of that day, back in middle school where Christ came searching for me. That day at Circle K camp, where he pursued me and told me I didn't have to be who I was...I could be made new. And since that moment the moments of God's faithfulness have been innumerable, scattered among the cracks and moments of fear, pain, uncertainty.

So what keeps me from drinking deep of that truth every moment of my life? Of course, my humanness and sinful nature. The Lord has done a work in me and has transformed me over the years, certainly has much more work to do. But I still have struggles that only the fulfillment of Christ and the holy spirit can overcome. My issues of pride. My issues of entitlement.

It was my prayer in that moment, that the Lord would help me let go of these holes I've been digging with pride and entitlement, and the life experiences I have been holding onto that produce these struggles.

When I look to the story of Jesus with the Samaritan woman in John 4, He came upon a woman thirsting for so much more than her current living. And he gave her life, true life that day.He stated, "Everyone who drinks this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." He broke the cultural norms of men speaking to women and risked his reputation for the sake of her eternal life.

So when I lack humility and the desire for affirmation temporarily fills that void in my heart, I pray that the holy spirit would remind me, "You have true water to quench that thirst in Christ, seek Him and what he says about you--believe it and you will want no more.

When I feel like I finally find something comfortable and it seems to be taken away, and I prompted to say, "That's not fair--I deserve to have that just like everyone else", I pray the Holy spirit will reside over that sense of entitlement. Did Christ promise a comfortable life catered to our wishes? No. Did Christ promise if we trust in Him, we would be filled? Yes. Did he promise it would be easy? No. Did he promise us it would be worth it? Yes.

Most recently, I found this in a situation in my life where I was starting to feel like I had found a small niche. A place I could connect. And then I found out this niche was going to change. The big "C" word.."Change". My initial reaction was like everyone elses, "That's not fair." "Everyone else has a niche why can't we have ours?"....and it's taken time for me to pray about it and ask the Lord what he desires for my response to be. And it appears in scripture to be one of willingness to have faith. It appears to be an invitation from God to not live comfortable, but to be intentional about allowing God to create a new niche...maybe even better than the old one. Suddenly, the excitement for something different, something new...seems like an opportunity for what the Lord has presently. It's like He's saying, I know you felt like I had met a need for you in this...but I love you so much....that I'm going to step things up a notch and meet your needs in a far greater way than you think possible. It may not be packaged like you think...but just wait and trust..live intentionally for me..and I will meet you there!

God is so Good....and I love his subtle nudges and welcoming whispers that fill up my wells until they pour out over the edges. Last year, I really felt the Lord speaking about overflow, and it's moments like this that I memorialize God's faithfulness for faithfully fulfilling my prayer, that began over a year ago!

Thank you Lord!!!