Father God,
Twenty-nine has hit me hard. With 30 peaking around the corner next year, I have somehow inadvertantly allowed my unmet life timeline dictate my joy. Lord, I pray for my future husband. I know he's out there and I refuse to give up hope. I know you are a faithful God. But protect me, Lord. Somehow I feel more vulnerable than ever before. Vulnerable to giving up hope that there is a perfectly imperfect man out there that I can serve with deep love.
Lord, I feel vulnerable to the temptation to just settle for something counterfit and less than your best. Protect me, Lord. Give me a strength I didn't know was within me to resist the counterfit. Satan wants nothing more than for my hope to be dashed and my certainty in you to be jaded. But Lord, I just pray that you would surround me today and in the coming weeks.
Lord, give me your wisdom when something is worth continuing to pursue and wisdom when its perfectly okay to allow the door to close.
When the dreams or thoughts of past relationships slip into my mind; allow me to acknowledge them but let them keep on moving. Don't allow me to dwell on the things I cannot change, and help me to stay focused in the present.
Lord, you know I've been praying alongside friends who are also in a season of waiting with infertility. Father, I beg you to burst forth in this situation and bring them the joy of a child. Father, I just pray that as you make the next steps of the journey so clear, that you would just let your glory shine all over their situation. I don't understand it, Lord...but I cling to the facts I know to be true.
You are a loving God, and you have a higher view point than our finite view.
You are ferocious pursuer and you will not let any time be wasted on an opportunity to draw your children closer to you.
Lord, I have no idea what I'm doing with my future. But I know it's in your hands. I just want to know your heart for my future, Lord. I will take it one day at a time, but I just pray that you will continue to purify and chip away the chipped pieces of my heart.
Lord,
Thanks for listening to my heart when it feels just so many things. Make yourself present to me Lord. Guide me and direct me, in the ways that only you can. You are the greatest romantic out there...thanks for pursuing me always in just the ways I need pursued.
You are the best, God.
Audrey
Sunday, November 13, 2016
Saturday, August 27, 2016
Bushwacking Bitterness
Jesus,
What a week! This week, I've been plunged into the depths of self-awareness about the condition of my heart. You see, there has been a bit of a stirring in my heart, causing a rumble of discontent that hovers deep in my belly.
I've discovered some underlying thoughts that have unknowingly taken root in my heart.
A Spirit of scarcity- I've noticed that as co-workers grow and break out establishing new aspects to our program, I've experienced a deep tinge of bitterness when their parts flourish and mine seems to be struggling. It's as if I believe that there is not enough success to go around, as if their success will overshadow any of my future successes. What a lie, satan. Lord, I long for a heart of abundance that genuinely and authentically celebrates the success and growth of others. Lord, I need your help with this. This week, I'm going to work heart to intentionally overcoming my pity parties with genuine verbal encouragement of those moving our patients to greater wellness. God, I pray for a humble spirit that cheers on the success of others. At the same time, don't let me believe the lie that any of my successes are less valuable than others. Lord, squelch my desire to be valuable and noticed by man and replace it with a deep awareness of my value in your sight regardless of my performance. God, I pray that you would use this challenging season---give it purpose and value in a way that will honor you. I trust that your ways are higher and you understand.
Lord,
This has been a really lonely week. I'm probably not helping this much by staying in the house, online shopping and waiting for the day to be over so a new days can come tomorrow.
Father, in this season of loneliness, I pray that you would make my heart sensitive to others who may be feeling lonely. Lord, I don't know what this looks like, but I ask that you would infuse and guide me with a spirit leading to seek those people out. Lord, I still have no idea how to make this if table work without the table. I pray that if this is something you want me to pursue, you would make just the right table available.
Lord,
I dream of an if:table made of the most tarnished of barnwoods. I dream of a table that's been through the rough and tumble of life but is allowing itself to be made beautiful by it's purpose to serve.
God,
I celebrate the ability this week to pursue some joys of my heart. Cooking new recipes, getting into an agenda of wellness with training for the half-marathon, laying awake at night with the lullaby of worship music singing me into my dreams, the morning commute with morning meditations starting my day with a posture of looking upward, cutting fresh flowers from the garden, time to read books off my to read pile, time to write and dream with you.
All of these things---thank you! These all speak to you and who you are, the blessings you've given in the midst of the difficult. Lord, I trust your plan. You are not witholding good from me. You are preserving me for your best for me. Lord, I long to live a life of purpose. When I die, my prayer is that when my life is talked about-- people would say, "Her life spoke of Jesus." I'm far from that now, Lord, but I pray that I would continue to trust you. These dreams I have, that I can hardly write on paper because they seem so silly and impossible--I give those to you today. Lord--I'm willing to dream with you, if you can open up the doors.
With all my heart,
Audrey
What a week! This week, I've been plunged into the depths of self-awareness about the condition of my heart. You see, there has been a bit of a stirring in my heart, causing a rumble of discontent that hovers deep in my belly.
I've discovered some underlying thoughts that have unknowingly taken root in my heart.
A Spirit of scarcity- I've noticed that as co-workers grow and break out establishing new aspects to our program, I've experienced a deep tinge of bitterness when their parts flourish and mine seems to be struggling. It's as if I believe that there is not enough success to go around, as if their success will overshadow any of my future successes. What a lie, satan. Lord, I long for a heart of abundance that genuinely and authentically celebrates the success and growth of others. Lord, I need your help with this. This week, I'm going to work heart to intentionally overcoming my pity parties with genuine verbal encouragement of those moving our patients to greater wellness. God, I pray for a humble spirit that cheers on the success of others. At the same time, don't let me believe the lie that any of my successes are less valuable than others. Lord, squelch my desire to be valuable and noticed by man and replace it with a deep awareness of my value in your sight regardless of my performance. God, I pray that you would use this challenging season---give it purpose and value in a way that will honor you. I trust that your ways are higher and you understand.
Lord,
This has been a really lonely week. I'm probably not helping this much by staying in the house, online shopping and waiting for the day to be over so a new days can come tomorrow.
Father, in this season of loneliness, I pray that you would make my heart sensitive to others who may be feeling lonely. Lord, I don't know what this looks like, but I ask that you would infuse and guide me with a spirit leading to seek those people out. Lord, I still have no idea how to make this if table work without the table. I pray that if this is something you want me to pursue, you would make just the right table available.
Lord,
I dream of an if:table made of the most tarnished of barnwoods. I dream of a table that's been through the rough and tumble of life but is allowing itself to be made beautiful by it's purpose to serve.
God,
I celebrate the ability this week to pursue some joys of my heart. Cooking new recipes, getting into an agenda of wellness with training for the half-marathon, laying awake at night with the lullaby of worship music singing me into my dreams, the morning commute with morning meditations starting my day with a posture of looking upward, cutting fresh flowers from the garden, time to read books off my to read pile, time to write and dream with you.
All of these things---thank you! These all speak to you and who you are, the blessings you've given in the midst of the difficult. Lord, I trust your plan. You are not witholding good from me. You are preserving me for your best for me. Lord, I long to live a life of purpose. When I die, my prayer is that when my life is talked about-- people would say, "Her life spoke of Jesus." I'm far from that now, Lord, but I pray that I would continue to trust you. These dreams I have, that I can hardly write on paper because they seem so silly and impossible--I give those to you today. Lord--I'm willing to dream with you, if you can open up the doors.
With all my heart,
Audrey
Sunday, August 21, 2016
Are you hurting and broken within
Overwhelmed by the weight of your sin
Jesus is calling
Have you come to the end of yourself
Do you thirst for a drink from the well
Jesus is calling
[Chorus:]
O come to the altar
The Father's arms are open wide
Forgiveness was bought with
The precious blood of Jesus Christ
[Verse 2:]
Leave behind your regrets and mistakes
Come today there's no reason to wait
Jesus is calling
Bring your sorrows and trade them for joy
From the ashes a new life is born
Jesus is calling
[Chorus x2:]
O come to the altar
The Father's arms are open wide
Forgiveness was bought with
The precious blood of Jesus Christ
[Bridge x2:]
Oh what a Savior
Isn't he wonderful
Sing alleluia, Christ is risen
Bow down before him
For he is Lord of all
Sing alleluia, Christ is risen
[Chorus x2:]
O come to the altar
The Father's arms are open wide
Forgiveness was bought with
The precious blood of Jesus Christ
[Verse 3:]
Bear your cross as you wait for the crown
Tell the world of the treasure you've found
God, these lyrics are on replay today. I'm entering this season of just longing for heart change. Lord, I become so overwhelmed by my sin-- my selfishness, my pride, my jealousy, my bitterness. This is not all of me, but I've been seeing these things popping up in my heart.
Lord, I want nothing less than for my character to mirror who you are. God, I rejoice in the fact that these inner beasts have already been conquered by you on the cross. But I refuse to become complacent and let them lead me where I'd rather not go. God, in the year ahead, please strengthen me with renewed perspective and refine me to have a heart more like yours. You and I both know that I can't do that on my own. It's just not possible.
The last few weeks have just been so all over the place. Lord, so many people around me are just struggling with so many aspects of life. Lord, I don't know what to say all the time. I don't always know the best time to be silent and the best time to speak. Give me wisdom this week God.
I got an e-mail about possible career opportunities in Houston, Texas. God, when I think about leaving my friends and family again for a place far away, my inner core is petrified. But when I think about how much faith it would take and how much I would need you every second, I get a bit of excitement at the idea. It's probably a long shot. But God, before I went to Rochester, you made it very clear that is where I am supposed to be. Lord, I will only go if you make it very clear that I am supposed to be there. Lord, I don't want to run somewhere new just for the thrill of something different and to get away from the mundane. But I also don't want to let the comfort of the mundane keep me from your best.
Anywho...I'm just going to rest in you this week, Jesus. Thanks for carrying all the tough stuff and future uncertainties for me.
You da' bomb!
Audrey
Sunday, April 10, 2016
God,
I feel so much right now. I am a person who struggles with anxiety and depression. I think that is the first time that I have allowed those words to be so starkly permanent on a page. Throughout my life I've had these episodes every few years. They seem to strike most distinctly in the winter months after the whirlwind of Christmas subsides and can last for months.
The anxiety feels suffocating. My laid back and care free nature is replaced with a torment and daily assault of my peace of heart and contentment. I can't ever truly place my finger on the origin. It can be brought on by increased stress or seem out of the blue. And often in these moments, my self-confidence shakes me to my very core. The tasks that once were effortless now seem overwhelming and insurmountable. I celebrate the little things in these times. The fact that I completed the laundry, went to the grocery store, made a meal, got through my day. It feels almost ridiculous to write, but when anxiety and depression loom, this is a reality. And I know that I am not alone in this. I know many experience these episodes from time to time as well. But there is something that makes me hide in these moments. When I feel on edge, when it feels as if some undefined catastrophic event looms in my future-- I don't want people to see me like this. In my mind, I know that isolation does not help my situation, but the chance that people will replace their view of me based on this person I've become scares the living daylights out of me. I don't want this to be my character and how I am remembered.
But perhaps in this period, you are reminding me God that you know me. That you designed me for "such a time as this" and you love me deeply even in my weakness. God, in the midst of this, I choose to believe that you are still Good. I choose to believe that out of the ashes you can create beauty. I choose to believe that my story is far from done and this chapter is setting me up to love better than I have loved before.
God, when I feel this way I can become so self-focused. This week-- can you give me eyes to see people...I mean to truly see and listen and care in a way that let's people know..I see you and I care? God, I pray for stories to write about at the end of my week of the people you place on my path. Can you please bring people on my path this week who I can learn from?
God, can you give me new perspective this week? Help me to see opportunities rather than obstacles.
Lord, I pray for my neighbor. I don't know her background, or her story, but I pray that her heart would rest in the truth of your love for her. God, I pray for this whole neighborhood. I don't know everyone or all that goes on behind everyone's doors, but I pray that you would be known in this neighborhood. I pray that miracles would happen in this neighborhood and people would be united in your name. God, help me to break out of my comfort zone.
Thanks for carrying my load Lord,
A
I feel so much right now. I am a person who struggles with anxiety and depression. I think that is the first time that I have allowed those words to be so starkly permanent on a page. Throughout my life I've had these episodes every few years. They seem to strike most distinctly in the winter months after the whirlwind of Christmas subsides and can last for months.
The anxiety feels suffocating. My laid back and care free nature is replaced with a torment and daily assault of my peace of heart and contentment. I can't ever truly place my finger on the origin. It can be brought on by increased stress or seem out of the blue. And often in these moments, my self-confidence shakes me to my very core. The tasks that once were effortless now seem overwhelming and insurmountable. I celebrate the little things in these times. The fact that I completed the laundry, went to the grocery store, made a meal, got through my day. It feels almost ridiculous to write, but when anxiety and depression loom, this is a reality. And I know that I am not alone in this. I know many experience these episodes from time to time as well. But there is something that makes me hide in these moments. When I feel on edge, when it feels as if some undefined catastrophic event looms in my future-- I don't want people to see me like this. In my mind, I know that isolation does not help my situation, but the chance that people will replace their view of me based on this person I've become scares the living daylights out of me. I don't want this to be my character and how I am remembered.
But perhaps in this period, you are reminding me God that you know me. That you designed me for "such a time as this" and you love me deeply even in my weakness. God, in the midst of this, I choose to believe that you are still Good. I choose to believe that out of the ashes you can create beauty. I choose to believe that my story is far from done and this chapter is setting me up to love better than I have loved before.
God, when I feel this way I can become so self-focused. This week-- can you give me eyes to see people...I mean to truly see and listen and care in a way that let's people know..I see you and I care? God, I pray for stories to write about at the end of my week of the people you place on my path. Can you please bring people on my path this week who I can learn from?
God, can you give me new perspective this week? Help me to see opportunities rather than obstacles.
Lord, I pray for my neighbor. I don't know her background, or her story, but I pray that her heart would rest in the truth of your love for her. God, I pray for this whole neighborhood. I don't know everyone or all that goes on behind everyone's doors, but I pray that you would be known in this neighborhood. I pray that miracles would happen in this neighborhood and people would be united in your name. God, help me to break out of my comfort zone.
Thanks for carrying my load Lord,
A
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