Lord,
There moments, like today, where my deep need for you is forefront on my mind. I am in a season of life where I feel stuck. Life is full of a lot of really great stuff. You have been faithful in your provision. But lately, I feel like I am starting to settle into a consistent pattern. And while there is good in that normalcy, there are inner parts of me craving for something new, something different.
Father, tonight I had a moment of just true introspection as I saw myself in a group environment. I feel like as much as I lead, sometimes I'm not a "good leader". I have my ideas of how things should go and how things should run. When they don't go that way...I don't know how to respond. Lord, this is a pattern. I don't want to be controlling. I don't want to come across as self-absorbed and self-centered and as someone who just likes to hear themselves think. I long to be a person that brings others into the passion of a project and build others up as they contribute a wealth of insight.
But sometimes, I need you to help me to take a step back from leading. Lord, I need you to help me be the type of leader that propels other people forward in their own leadership and encourage them to grow and have some of the same opportunities others have given me.
But it doesn't come naturally to me Lord. My headstrong, get-it-done nature-- I'm sure can be off-putting to some. And my heart grieves that.
Lord, I trust that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. But I am also keenly aware that I am broken and have such gigantic need for you.
This leadership opportunity that is in front of me..give me wisdom. Is it best for me to step back, so others cans step up? I need to be humbled at how much I don't know. Lord, I have a lot to learn and this experience is showing me particularly in that arena where there is a plank in my eye.
But perhaps this struggle is not only a difficulty in groups. Perhaps, it happens in interpersonal relationships too. Am I too domineering?
Father, I want to be a woman that is so entrenched in you. I want to have a heart that is not just busy with many things--but truly enamored by a connection with you and changed by who you are.
My 27th year is coming up in a few days. Will you show me how to lead with love, and how to know the difference when sometimes that requires me to step back? Can you be present to me this year, as I seek you?
You are good God. I trust that even in my brokenness--I have purpose and significance in your sight.
With all my heart,
A
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Saturday, July 12, 2014
A Glimpse of Heaven
Father God,
You and I have been talking a lot lately, through my contemplative prayers and opportunities for aloneness with you. But, while I've thought about splattering it all out in writing, I haven't felt that push until this week.
Lord, you have brought someone on my path, who has a story filled with contents that you can only imagine from a horror film. And yet, you have provided an opportunity to develop a friendship. Each of us coming to the table with our own stories, regardless of how different these stories may be- you have united us on the basis of our extreme, daily need for you.
The other night, as my friend was seated next to me in my car, we both stared at the road ahead. In the protection of sitting side by side, rather than face to face, my friend began to share her heart. She shared of the hurts and struggles and injustices; but she just as much turned to me and said, "but you know what? That song we sang in church last Sunday, you know the one that goes, "Your grace is enough." She continued to sing these words over and over until I found myself belting them out right along. "I sing it every morning when I wake up and whenever my day is hard-which is everyday, it makes me happy." We laughed and giggled, and we thanked God for the importance of his truth that comes in so many forms.
As I walked away from that night, I just had to smile and commit that moment to memory. I can only imagine these scenes that play out, as you unite your children and restore through your truth and our common need for your grace, are constantly part of the bigger picture you see. I can envision you looking down with a smile thinking, "Continue to show up everyday. I will make my truth visible in the most unlikely ways if you just trust."
The next morning, as I woke up to start my day, the words, "Your grace is enough" infiltrated my mind. With a smile, I raced out the door and sent her a text message saying...I woke up with the song in my head. She simply responded with a texted laugh and the words, "me too." This truly felt like a sliver of what heaven will be like, when we all come together, and celebrate with the purest of joys--the greatness of who you are.
I shared this experience with my mentor and running friend a few days later. The morning after my run, I woke up to a text from my running partner that read, "I woke up with the words. 'Your grace is enough' in my head."
Father God, I can only explain the contagious phenomenon of your truth, as a concrete example of your hand at work around me.
As I savor the days remaining in summer, my prayer is that I would continue to keep you as my focus on this journey. I want to trust you and I want to be sensitive to your leading. I want to embrace these moments, capture them, and trust that this is just the beginning of your glorious unfolding.
Colorado. Tennessee. Massachusetts. As opportunities to travel, grow, rest, and network lay ahead of me-- I pray that your hand will be in each one of these trips. Lord, as I pray about an even bigger trip you may have for me-- I pray that your doors would open. I want to trust without borders that your grace truly is enough. I will trust that my life is in good hands. You will use me in my current giftings and skillfully mold me for the skills that will be useful for the future.
You are good God. Thanks for once again speaking words of Truth into my heart in some of the most unlikely places.
A
You and I have been talking a lot lately, through my contemplative prayers and opportunities for aloneness with you. But, while I've thought about splattering it all out in writing, I haven't felt that push until this week.
Lord, you have brought someone on my path, who has a story filled with contents that you can only imagine from a horror film. And yet, you have provided an opportunity to develop a friendship. Each of us coming to the table with our own stories, regardless of how different these stories may be- you have united us on the basis of our extreme, daily need for you.
The other night, as my friend was seated next to me in my car, we both stared at the road ahead. In the protection of sitting side by side, rather than face to face, my friend began to share her heart. She shared of the hurts and struggles and injustices; but she just as much turned to me and said, "but you know what? That song we sang in church last Sunday, you know the one that goes, "Your grace is enough." She continued to sing these words over and over until I found myself belting them out right along. "I sing it every morning when I wake up and whenever my day is hard-which is everyday, it makes me happy." We laughed and giggled, and we thanked God for the importance of his truth that comes in so many forms.
As I walked away from that night, I just had to smile and commit that moment to memory. I can only imagine these scenes that play out, as you unite your children and restore through your truth and our common need for your grace, are constantly part of the bigger picture you see. I can envision you looking down with a smile thinking, "Continue to show up everyday. I will make my truth visible in the most unlikely ways if you just trust."
The next morning, as I woke up to start my day, the words, "Your grace is enough" infiltrated my mind. With a smile, I raced out the door and sent her a text message saying...I woke up with the song in my head. She simply responded with a texted laugh and the words, "me too." This truly felt like a sliver of what heaven will be like, when we all come together, and celebrate with the purest of joys--the greatness of who you are.
I shared this experience with my mentor and running friend a few days later. The morning after my run, I woke up to a text from my running partner that read, "I woke up with the words. 'Your grace is enough' in my head."
Father God, I can only explain the contagious phenomenon of your truth, as a concrete example of your hand at work around me.
As I savor the days remaining in summer, my prayer is that I would continue to keep you as my focus on this journey. I want to trust you and I want to be sensitive to your leading. I want to embrace these moments, capture them, and trust that this is just the beginning of your glorious unfolding.
Colorado. Tennessee. Massachusetts. As opportunities to travel, grow, rest, and network lay ahead of me-- I pray that your hand will be in each one of these trips. Lord, as I pray about an even bigger trip you may have for me-- I pray that your doors would open. I want to trust without borders that your grace truly is enough. I will trust that my life is in good hands. You will use me in my current giftings and skillfully mold me for the skills that will be useful for the future.
You are good God. Thanks for once again speaking words of Truth into my heart in some of the most unlikely places.
A
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Life Lessons from the Clearance Book Rack
Lord,
How do I begin to explain the words of my heart? You never cease to amaze me with the fingerprints you leave on situations that let me know you were there, thinking of me.
Some of the most impactful books I have read in my life, aside from the bible, have been spontaneous purchases from the clearance rack of the bookstore. The first was Divine Nobodies, a few years ago which I haphazardly bought for a friend's birthday. When I got home from the bookstore though, I was overcome by curiosity of what might be unfolding in this book. That night, I read the whole thing (for my friend's sake, of course:) before gently packing it up to gift. Little did I know, that book would transform how I viewed the people that God places on my path in life. It humbled me to see people as fellow journeyers and teachers in this adventure of life, no matter where they came from or where they were headed. I cannot begin to explain how this paradigm has allowed me to experience so much joy in the everyday person I encounter. Of course somedays I am better at seeing it than others, but essentially it changed my view and how I relate to others.
Now, a few years later, I was scurrying around the local christian bookstore to get a few odds and ends for a retreat with youth at my church. Sitting silently on the shelf was a book called Love Does--a steal at $5. Interestingly enough, months before I had seen the same book at another store for a much higher price and regretfully placed the book back on the shelf after an intensive internal debate on want vs. need. So anyhow, the last week as I have been delving into the book, I am just enthralled and challenged.
Lord. Can you please help me to be someone who "leaks Jesus" like Bob explains? Lord, you know that lately I've been going through the motions. Longing for excitement or newness or something..anything... to spice up life a little bit. And yet I haven't made any steps. I go to work, church, gym class, coffee with a friend here or there...and then I come home. I come home and I sit and wonder and hope that maybe life will change if I just wait.
The biggest thing I needed to hear was that adventures with you, may require seasons of waiting. But waiting does not mean inactivity. It means walking in faithful action, acknowledging that the story of our lives is a part of a much grander adventure when we walk it with you. Lord, starting today, I will be more open to putting myself out there....to not just sitting on my bed waiting for something to happen while my spiritual muscles atrophy. Nothing brilliant or amazing or fun ever happened while just sitting and waiting.
Lord...can you ignite me with intentional focus and a humble heart to seek out the opportunities for adventure that have been here all along? I want these stories to point back to you...to point to the fact that is only because of YOU that everyone can be apart of the great adventure.
Lord, I pray that just because the storyline of my life is different than I would like right now, that I won't discount the overarching plot that you have already written for my life and the plan you already wrote for its unfolding.
Lord. I want to pray courageous prayers and tonight I ask, Can you show up in my mundane everyday? Can you give me your eyes to see the beauty in the everyday? Lord. Can you show me that I am not alone--even when things get a little lonely? Can you remind me of the importance of taking initiative?
As I think back on my clearance book purchases, I find it ironic. Typically clearance books are the ones that are outdated, didn't sell well, or the store just overstocked and now needs to prepare space for new books. So they decrease the monetary value in order to make space. But what I've found most, is that monetary value does not speak to the eternal value of the wisdom and truths of these book.
What would happen if I took inventory of my heart? Might I find some hidden gems, that may be of eternal value for someone else who God has been preparing space in their heart?
Lord...I am going on a great adventure with you. Lead me to the unexpected book shelves of life that may allow me to meet you face to face in the often discounted stories of others. I pray that you would show me the deep value and worth that stem from these stories.
You are good God. Always Good.
Thanks for that!
A.
How do I begin to explain the words of my heart? You never cease to amaze me with the fingerprints you leave on situations that let me know you were there, thinking of me.
Some of the most impactful books I have read in my life, aside from the bible, have been spontaneous purchases from the clearance rack of the bookstore. The first was Divine Nobodies, a few years ago which I haphazardly bought for a friend's birthday. When I got home from the bookstore though, I was overcome by curiosity of what might be unfolding in this book. That night, I read the whole thing (for my friend's sake, of course:) before gently packing it up to gift. Little did I know, that book would transform how I viewed the people that God places on my path in life. It humbled me to see people as fellow journeyers and teachers in this adventure of life, no matter where they came from or where they were headed. I cannot begin to explain how this paradigm has allowed me to experience so much joy in the everyday person I encounter. Of course somedays I am better at seeing it than others, but essentially it changed my view and how I relate to others.
Now, a few years later, I was scurrying around the local christian bookstore to get a few odds and ends for a retreat with youth at my church. Sitting silently on the shelf was a book called Love Does--a steal at $5. Interestingly enough, months before I had seen the same book at another store for a much higher price and regretfully placed the book back on the shelf after an intensive internal debate on want vs. need. So anyhow, the last week as I have been delving into the book, I am just enthralled and challenged.
Lord. Can you please help me to be someone who "leaks Jesus" like Bob explains? Lord, you know that lately I've been going through the motions. Longing for excitement or newness or something..anything... to spice up life a little bit. And yet I haven't made any steps. I go to work, church, gym class, coffee with a friend here or there...and then I come home. I come home and I sit and wonder and hope that maybe life will change if I just wait.
The biggest thing I needed to hear was that adventures with you, may require seasons of waiting. But waiting does not mean inactivity. It means walking in faithful action, acknowledging that the story of our lives is a part of a much grander adventure when we walk it with you. Lord, starting today, I will be more open to putting myself out there....to not just sitting on my bed waiting for something to happen while my spiritual muscles atrophy. Nothing brilliant or amazing or fun ever happened while just sitting and waiting.
Lord...can you ignite me with intentional focus and a humble heart to seek out the opportunities for adventure that have been here all along? I want these stories to point back to you...to point to the fact that is only because of YOU that everyone can be apart of the great adventure.
Lord, I pray that just because the storyline of my life is different than I would like right now, that I won't discount the overarching plot that you have already written for my life and the plan you already wrote for its unfolding.
Lord. I want to pray courageous prayers and tonight I ask, Can you show up in my mundane everyday? Can you give me your eyes to see the beauty in the everyday? Lord. Can you show me that I am not alone--even when things get a little lonely? Can you remind me of the importance of taking initiative?
As I think back on my clearance book purchases, I find it ironic. Typically clearance books are the ones that are outdated, didn't sell well, or the store just overstocked and now needs to prepare space for new books. So they decrease the monetary value in order to make space. But what I've found most, is that monetary value does not speak to the eternal value of the wisdom and truths of these book.
What would happen if I took inventory of my heart? Might I find some hidden gems, that may be of eternal value for someone else who God has been preparing space in their heart?
Lord...I am going on a great adventure with you. Lead me to the unexpected book shelves of life that may allow me to meet you face to face in the often discounted stories of others. I pray that you would show me the deep value and worth that stem from these stories.
You are good God. Always Good.
Thanks for that!
A.
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