Prayers in Process

Father God,

Wow! There is just so much going on in life right now. And tonight, I just have this inner need to come before you Lord on so many things.

Lord, I just pray about a difficult conversation that is ahead, Lord. Lord, I need you words and wisdom to even slightly approach this in a way that honors you and all involved. Lord, give me transparency and honesty that is drenched in patience and understanding of my own condition as a sinner. Lord, I pray that somehow you will use this situation for your glory. I can't see the bigger picture, so I trust that you see and know and will be my guide as I try to navigate this situation.

God, I lift up my relationship with Ryan to you. My feelings for him are really growing. I care deeply for him and when I see him hurt, I begin to feel that hurt with him. Lord, I just pray that you would continue to reveal to me your heart for this relationship.  I pray that if we are not encouraging each other to be more like you, you would make that clear and guide us in another direction. I pray that you are using this relationship in each of our lives, whether it is meant to be for a season or a lifetime.

God- thanks for the opportunity to meet his people, to hear their stories and their hearts, and for quality time  to dig deeper with Ryan in a way that lets me know him better. God, give me your mercy and grace to handle his past with care but also to not allow it to taint my view of him today. God, help me to see who he truly is today. I pray that if at anytime you don't have this relationship continue, it would be because of an important part of who we are now and not because of something in the past (even if the past may influence something now). God, I pray for your ultimate wisdom. As I continue to seek your will for my life and ultimately if marriage to Ryan will be a part of that--I pray for discernment to see areas that could be future roadblocks for both of us to successfully live out the calls you have placed on our lives.  God-- you continue to put the question on my heart-- Is this the kind of man that I would want my future children to become?

Things I Love About Ryan
- His Passion- He throws himself passionately into the priorities in his life
- His commitment to seeking Christ- continually reading, praying, seeking biblical truth
- His acceptance of accountability- Actively pursuing and trying to finding Christian accountability and brotherhood in Christ
- Generous Heart- Gives of himself, time, money, talent for others
- Desire to do the right thing, even when treated poorly or unfairly- family relationships are incredibly difficult and yet he has demonstrated his desire to respond with love and maturity
- His laugh-- I love laughing with him and just seeing his laugh
- His tenacity-  He is a go-getter, willing to put himself out there and take risks in trying new things in his work, relationship, etc.
- His vulnerability in leadership w/in the relationship- willing to take the first step in our relationship putting his heart out there, desire to be a provider and protector, go the extra mile to make long distance work
- Value of loyalty to family-  Seeing him with his grandma and the way he responded to her with love and support

Things I Fear About Ryan
- Anger- is there an underlying anger that could come out in a relationship in the future
- Differing values on disciplining children in the future?
- So intelligent that he could potentially be manipulative in relationships/controlling to get his desired outcome (ie- pawns to meet his own objectives)?
- Depth of his ability to empathize with others?
- Sensitivity to perceptions of being challenged- quick to debate and question rather than empathize and listen
- Are there unresolved family of origin issues that may present themselves, given the tumultuous relationship with his parents and the impact old, longheld cultural beliefs could have on a relationship
- Would he view a marriage as  something to domineer or would it be a true team/partnership?
- Would he use some of his family relationships to try to control a future spouse? Blame future spouse for issues in marriage? Would he take ownership?-- still some unknowns about his contributions to previous divorce.



Lord, I want to move forward with faith that all of these questions are in your hands. Lord, I pray that regardless of what happens in the relationship-- we would both be able to separate or move forward continuing to acknowledge the good that is ultimately present in one another. Help me to know what are Red Flags and Crucials Concerns to be listened to and what are quirks to be aware of but willing to accept in a partner.

Love you, Lord!

Audrey