Thursday, September 15, 2011

The Sweet Sweet Reunion with Fall:)

Coming out from work tonight...it was CHILLY!!!!! And that means only one thing.....Fall is on it's way. Right now...I should be packing for a retreat I am going on with church this weekend....but writing seemed like such a better option. Packing is something I strongly despise.

So...this week has been euphoric. It felt like it was the coming together of a year of great plans the Lord has in store. 1.) I started my new job and am so stoked about it. Nervous..yes, but totally excited. 2.) Kristen and I got an apartment!! AND...it's extremely close to work which is super exciting. 3.) MPACT is ramping up and I cannot wait to meet the girls in my group. 4.) My other part-time/ 1 night a week job is going so well and I get so pumped every time I see improvements, no matter how big or small with my clients. 5.) The Lord has been truly blessing me with a bunch of new friends--totally an answer to prayer.

So Praise the Lord for a Great WEEK! bahhhhh...now back to packing.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Coming to the Well

Leave it all behind,
Leave it all behind,
Leave it all behind,
Leave it all behind,

I have what you need,
But you keep on searchin,
I've done all the work,
But you keep on workin,
When you're runnin on empty,
And you can't find the remedy,
Just come to the well.

You can spend your whole life,
Chasin what's missing,
But that empty inside,
It just ain't gonna listen.
When nothing can satisfy,
And the world leaves you high and dry,
Just come to the well

CHORUS:
And all who thirst will thirst no more,
And all who search will find what their souls long for,
The world will try, but it can never fill,
So leave it all behind, and come to the well

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/casting_crowns/the_well.html ]
So bring me your heart
No matter how broken,
Just come as you are,
When your last prayer is spoken,
Just rest in my arms a while,
You'll feel the change my child,
When you come to the well


CHORUS:
And all who thirst will thirst no more,
And all who search will find what their souls long for,
The world will try, but it can never fill,
So leave it all behind, and come to the well

Yeah
Leave it all behind

The world will try, but it can never fill... leave it all behind

And now that you're full,
Of love beyond measure,
Your joy's gonna flow,
Like a stream in the desert,
Soon all the world will see that living water is found in me,
Cuz you came to the well


CHORUS:
And all who thirst will thirst no more,
And all who search will find what their souls long for,
The world will try, but it can never fill,
So leave it all behind, and come to the well

Last night, I sat scrunched in the front of my chevy cobalt, with the pitter patter of the seemingly endless rain storm harmonizing with the lyrics above. I was coming home from bible study, where the pastor eloquently emphasized that in our race towards Christ, we need to not only memorialize and remember the moments of God faithfulness, but forget and leave behind the things/lies in life that have no place or value next to the truth of God's faithfulness.

The lyrics washed over me like a warmth, in the chill of the coming fall--"And now that you're full of love beyond measure, your joy's gonna flow, like a stream in the desert, soon all the world will see that living water is found in me. Cuz you came to the well--Leave it all behind"

I just sat there, drinking in this truth. For that moment, my heart went back to the beginning. The memories flooded my mind of that day, back in middle school where Christ came searching for me. That day at Circle K camp, where he pursued me and told me I didn't have to be who I was...I could be made new. And since that moment the moments of God's faithfulness have been innumerable, scattered among the cracks and moments of fear, pain, uncertainty.

So what keeps me from drinking deep of that truth every moment of my life? Of course, my humanness and sinful nature. The Lord has done a work in me and has transformed me over the years, certainly has much more work to do. But I still have struggles that only the fulfillment of Christ and the holy spirit can overcome. My issues of pride. My issues of entitlement.

It was my prayer in that moment, that the Lord would help me let go of these holes I've been digging with pride and entitlement, and the life experiences I have been holding onto that produce these struggles.

When I look to the story of Jesus with the Samaritan woman in John 4, He came upon a woman thirsting for so much more than her current living. And he gave her life, true life that day.He stated, "Everyone who drinks this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." He broke the cultural norms of men speaking to women and risked his reputation for the sake of her eternal life.

So when I lack humility and the desire for affirmation temporarily fills that void in my heart, I pray that the holy spirit would remind me, "You have true water to quench that thirst in Christ, seek Him and what he says about you--believe it and you will want no more.

When I feel like I finally find something comfortable and it seems to be taken away, and I prompted to say, "That's not fair--I deserve to have that just like everyone else", I pray the Holy spirit will reside over that sense of entitlement. Did Christ promise a comfortable life catered to our wishes? No. Did Christ promise if we trust in Him, we would be filled? Yes. Did he promise it would be easy? No. Did he promise us it would be worth it? Yes.

Most recently, I found this in a situation in my life where I was starting to feel like I had found a small niche. A place I could connect. And then I found out this niche was going to change. The big "C" word.."Change". My initial reaction was like everyone elses, "That's not fair." "Everyone else has a niche why can't we have ours?"....and it's taken time for me to pray about it and ask the Lord what he desires for my response to be. And it appears in scripture to be one of willingness to have faith. It appears to be an invitation from God to not live comfortable, but to be intentional about allowing God to create a new niche...maybe even better than the old one. Suddenly, the excitement for something different, something new...seems like an opportunity for what the Lord has presently. It's like He's saying, I know you felt like I had met a need for you in this...but I love you so much....that I'm going to step things up a notch and meet your needs in a far greater way than you think possible. It may not be packaged like you think...but just wait and trust..live intentionally for me..and I will meet you there!

God is so Good....and I love his subtle nudges and welcoming whispers that fill up my wells until they pour out over the edges. Last year, I really felt the Lord speaking about overflow, and it's moments like this that I memorialize God's faithfulness for faithfully fulfilling my prayer, that began over a year ago!

Thank you Lord!!!

Sunday, September 04, 2011

The Truth about Faith

The truth is....having faith is scary. It means trusting that there is ultimate purpose designed greater than my eyes can see. It means taking action out of faith, trusting that though we may fail, God is greater.

I've been pondering over what it means to live life with others and what it means to minister to others. The more I grapple with this topic, I find that living life with others is messy. It is filled with people's junk from years and years of unfortunate life circumstances and choices. Living life together means, being willing to not only help carry someone else's burden to lighten the load, but it also means being willing to let them share in your own. Living life together means taking risks. It means being willing to set yourself up for potential persecution. Ministry is scary. I had never thought about it before, until a recent ministry demonstrated the areas of potential liability. It's important to have boundaries, to keep things safe. But, I always carry this fear, that my faith in the good of people, will come back to haunt me. Am I too trusting? Am I too naive? When I see another person in need and I want to do something, do I just have a savior complex?

What's the boundary between meeting a need and doing good/ but staying safe.

When Christ calls us to ministry, he never says it will be safe. He never says it will be easy. And he actually says we will encounter trials of many kinds. But...he also says...I will be with you always...I will love you until the ends of the Earth....and will meet your every need.


So, as I step further into ministry opportunities this year, I will hold onto the words of Christ:

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
Isaiah 43:2


And to do so requires faith. Only great things happen by faith. Hebrews 11:30 reminds me that, "By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after he people had marched around them for seven days". Can you imagine, the people just walked for 7 days...tired, weary, but determined to remain steadfast in faith that God would fulfill his promises. So this year..I look forward to leading with faith and trusting in the Lord to catch me when I fall and set me back on solid ground.

I'm scared that I will not be able to handle everyone's junk. Yes, I have a degree in social work, but that does not mean I have all the answers. I pray that the Lord would continually rejuvenate me in my time in the word and in prayer, and with fellow believers. And I pray that through the junk of people's lives, the beauty and transforming power of Christ would shine through.

Lord,
I'm scared for the year ahead. You are bringing people into my path who have heavy burdens Lord. On my own Lord, I cannot carry their burdens. But, I know you can and have carried them since that day on the cross. I pray for wisdom and guidance in my interactions with these people. Lord, I just pray that you would bring each person to a point where they desire life change and desire to seek you fully and whole heartily. I pray that you would lay forgiveness on their hearts. Lord, give me the humility to admit when I do not know the answer. I want to do your will Lord, so I pray that if it be your will, I would learn to trust you more deeply and become more like you each day.
In your name,
Audrey