God,
Thank you for the gift of fulfilling your prophecies over billions of years. I can only imagine when you told Abraham that you would make his family as many as the stars, he could not conceptualize what was meant by this. But you called him to walk in faith, and not by sight.
God thank you for the reality that you have given the holy spirit to all who have put their faith and trust in you.
Lord, as I walk in this wilderness season, just grasping for your light in the midst of the dark-- I trust you fully. You are at work in ways that I cannot imagine, just like Abraham could not see. Lord, please be my strength. It is only you that can display love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Self-control has been a challenge for me lately. I've been emotional eating a lot more. Gaining weight and not feeling great about my body.
God-- I pray for the week ahead with Ryan at Onsite. As we process the future and what your healing is to look like-- I ask that you would give me a deep heart for Ryan--that my interactions with him would be pure and loving and kind. God-- I just give you this time ahead of us.
Lord-- I don't feel strong enough to separate from Ryan. If it be your will for us to journey apart, I pray that you would be at work in his heart. God-- I know that you are capable of this. Whatever path you call us to, I pray that we would both be confident and supportive of whichever direction. God-- give us open hearts to truly listen for you and be willing to obey, even if it is ultimately is an outcome different than we thought.
I trust you. I will walk ahead confidently in you. Anxiety and fear have no place. I will not go ahead of you, but walk patiently in your leading and step.
Aud
Monday, September 10, 2018
Saturday, August 18, 2018
Father God,
For far too long, I have been a hearer of the word-- but not always letting that translate over into the doing of the word. I feel burnt out right now in so many aspects of life. And I know, your word promises that there will be times like these. But I also know that you are a big God who can do far more than we think or imagine.
Something I loved about my relationship with Ryan, was that he was totally my opposite in so many ways. I am the rule-follower, the perfectionist, the play it safe girl-- and he is the risk-averse dreamer. And while these differences caused some anxiety in my risk-averse heart, he also pushed me and believed in me like no one before. Perhaps it was superficial charm. I'm still trying to figure this out. But God-- he's been consistent. I've never doubted his love for me for a moment. There was a safety and comfort in his rose-colored, positive perspective.
God, I want to do big things with Ryan. He's been my teammate the last year and it's hard to imagine that you could do anything big in my life without him. And yet, with all that has happened in the last two months--I'm left looking at two choices-- of which I like neither. 1.) Moving forward with life without him and 2.) Moving forward with life with him--w/the anxiety of his past hanging around like an ever-present possibility of future heartache at every possible turn.
Lord, the next month-- there will be a lot to take in. I pray over each step we are taking to discern the next step you are calling us. God, if I am to release him-- I pray that you would bring opportunities for life-giving work or something meaningful to fill my days for you. But if I am to move forward, God-- I ask for a peace that surpasses all understanding. I just pray for confidence in your direction one way or another.
God-- you have given me the burning in my belly in the past to know when to move forward and when to move backward. I just pray that you would help me to listen to that still small voice inside--that is your holy spirit-- to lead and guide.
I can't do this on my own, Lord. If Ryan and I are to move forward, you must move in mighty ways in my heart. I can't will this or do this in my own strength. The fear is just overwhelming. But I do believe in You, a God who can move mountains, if it be his will. So God, I continue to trust in you that you will show up in the next two months.
I don't know how you want to use this crummy time in my life, but I give it freely to you to use.
Lord- the If table idea continues to be on my heart. Lord, I will walk forward in faith that this is what you want me to do. I will put my money towards this-- because I believe this prompting is from you.
Amen!
Aud
For far too long, I have been a hearer of the word-- but not always letting that translate over into the doing of the word. I feel burnt out right now in so many aspects of life. And I know, your word promises that there will be times like these. But I also know that you are a big God who can do far more than we think or imagine.
Something I loved about my relationship with Ryan, was that he was totally my opposite in so many ways. I am the rule-follower, the perfectionist, the play it safe girl-- and he is the risk-averse dreamer. And while these differences caused some anxiety in my risk-averse heart, he also pushed me and believed in me like no one before. Perhaps it was superficial charm. I'm still trying to figure this out. But God-- he's been consistent. I've never doubted his love for me for a moment. There was a safety and comfort in his rose-colored, positive perspective.
God, I want to do big things with Ryan. He's been my teammate the last year and it's hard to imagine that you could do anything big in my life without him. And yet, with all that has happened in the last two months--I'm left looking at two choices-- of which I like neither. 1.) Moving forward with life without him and 2.) Moving forward with life with him--w/the anxiety of his past hanging around like an ever-present possibility of future heartache at every possible turn.
Lord, the next month-- there will be a lot to take in. I pray over each step we are taking to discern the next step you are calling us. God, if I am to release him-- I pray that you would bring opportunities for life-giving work or something meaningful to fill my days for you. But if I am to move forward, God-- I ask for a peace that surpasses all understanding. I just pray for confidence in your direction one way or another.
God-- you have given me the burning in my belly in the past to know when to move forward and when to move backward. I just pray that you would help me to listen to that still small voice inside--that is your holy spirit-- to lead and guide.
I can't do this on my own, Lord. If Ryan and I are to move forward, you must move in mighty ways in my heart. I can't will this or do this in my own strength. The fear is just overwhelming. But I do believe in You, a God who can move mountains, if it be his will. So God, I continue to trust in you that you will show up in the next two months.
I don't know how you want to use this crummy time in my life, but I give it freely to you to use.
Lord- the If table idea continues to be on my heart. Lord, I will walk forward in faith that this is what you want me to do. I will put my money towards this-- because I believe this prompting is from you.
Amen!
Aud
Saturday, August 11, 2018
This is Healing Part x 2
Father God,
Today was the day that was going to be my bridal shower. And today I let myself grieve the loss of what was supposed to be...but I also let myself live in what is today. The past few days I have had some of my lifelong friends just demonstrate the depth of true friendships. They sat with me, processed with me-- even when I wasn't fun or exciting. We did special things together that for a time distracted me from the pain.
But tonight, I watched a movie the=at moved me deeply. The story of Mercy Me and the way you turned beauty and restoration from the ashes. Holy Molie-- God you are amazing. And you are the same God today who still continues to redeem.
God, I wanted to text Ryan so badly throughout the day. So many reminders of him and us...and the depth of friendship we've shared. But for today, I share that with you. The next few weeks/months are in your hands. God, I just pray that if we are ever going to move forward--that you just help me to know in my spirit that Ryan is authentically repentant. God, I know things aren't always about feelings because feelings change-- but I just pray for a gut feeling that I know that I know that I know....that it is REAL repentance--true--- and only for you.
And God....if I am to walk away. I pray that I would know that I know that I know that it is the right thing to do. I pray that you would give me a strength I didn't think I had--to walk away. But I can't move forward or move backwards without you and your strength. Because without you---I am just a weakling- tossed in the waves.
I love you, Lord.
Amen.
Today was the day that was going to be my bridal shower. And today I let myself grieve the loss of what was supposed to be...but I also let myself live in what is today. The past few days I have had some of my lifelong friends just demonstrate the depth of true friendships. They sat with me, processed with me-- even when I wasn't fun or exciting. We did special things together that for a time distracted me from the pain.
But tonight, I watched a movie the=at moved me deeply. The story of Mercy Me and the way you turned beauty and restoration from the ashes. Holy Molie-- God you are amazing. And you are the same God today who still continues to redeem.
God, I wanted to text Ryan so badly throughout the day. So many reminders of him and us...and the depth of friendship we've shared. But for today, I share that with you. The next few weeks/months are in your hands. God, I just pray that if we are ever going to move forward--that you just help me to know in my spirit that Ryan is authentically repentant. God, I know things aren't always about feelings because feelings change-- but I just pray for a gut feeling that I know that I know that I know....that it is REAL repentance--true--- and only for you.
And God....if I am to walk away. I pray that I would know that I know that I know that it is the right thing to do. I pray that you would give me a strength I didn't think I had--to walk away. But I can't move forward or move backwards without you and your strength. Because without you---I am just a weakling- tossed in the waves.
I love you, Lord.
Amen.
Friday, July 13, 2018
I Don't Want if You're Not in it, I Just Want You
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdJz_mB1f_I
Father God,
The battle in my heart is raging. My heart and my flesh are battling; each with a fierce determination to win. I truly just want you...but what does that mean? How do I determine which is which?
Thank you for giving me a few days away in the presence of your nature at the Bodenstab's Lake House. Thank you for the Bodenstabs and the ways they love so deeply and genuinely. Thank you for Beth and her encouragement in trusting Jesus with the known of our story and journey. Thank you for your word and the Truth that washes over me like a deep bath for the soul.
You've given me Galatians 5:1. It has popped up over 4 times in random places over the last few days.
For Freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
Oh how I've wrestled Lord in my own strength and intellectualization to figure out what this means for me. Is fear my yoke of slavery or is it with my pride/idolatry?
But when I look at this passage, Paul was telling the Jews that they are under a new covenant. The act of circumcision and obedience to the law no longer had any part in their salvation. They are saved by grace alone. Their debt was paid already in full. Any act of earning favor with God, was living in a yoke of slavery. They are free to walk without the weight of trying to "fix it" or make it right, but to accept it as a free gift.
My fear is most about making the "wrong choice" in this situation. But you tell me, I can walk in freedom that there is not a right or wrong choice in this, because you are with me. I can be free of the pressure to figure it all out.
Lord, at times in my heart I feel that trying to seek restoration with Ryan would come from my deep pain and understanding of my own sin. I don't deserve your grace and yet in love you give it to me freely. It's almost like I would be motivated to give Ryan mercy and grace because I feel like I owe it to you for what you've done for me. And yet, this passage is saying-- Audrey- I died for you free of charge. You don't owe me anything. Stop trying to do things because you feel it would somehow pay me back. I've given you freedom to choose--to choose me first. You don't have to be a martyr. Mercy and Grace and Forgiveness don't always mean a relationship continues. Sometimes the most loving, grace-filled, and merciful thing to do is to let go. To trust Him, that it is ok to release and surrender. If God wants us to remain together--He will do it.
Letting go of hope of restoration, Lord, this is a surrender. It goes against every fiber of my being and is harder than staying in it and fighting for it. It is trusting you and wanting to obey you and let you do your work. My flesh wants to be with Ryan regardless of what that means. But my heart knows deeply that moving forward would be a path of destruction. It would be making him an idol again above you. Could you still use it if I move forward? For sure. But if you wanted to do that, my heart would not feel so afraid. YOU are FOR me. You want the best for me. I trust the letter I received was a gift from you--protecting me, and gently reminding me that I can trust that you are in me and you will not lead me astray. For you have given me a Hope and a Future. I had those gut feelings all along but didn't want to believe them when there was no proof. So why would I disregard this gut that is telling me that restoration needs to happen in you--and not include me.
I believe you can restore Ryan. I wish I could have a front row seat to watch it all. But I just need to trust him over to you. His healing is not mine, it is yours to do. I may not understand why this is what I need to do, but I trust you do. Walking in restoration with him would be more out of fear of being seen by him and others as lacking mercy and grace, rather than what I know to be true-- that walking away is sometimes the most loving thing to do.
Lord, if I continue on a path of seeking restoration of relationship with Ryan, I am walking right back into the trap of placing my relationship with him above you. I think the still small voice in my heart knows that pursuing restoration may look good on the outside, but it is not the most loving thing to do. You tell me in your word that loving YOU with my whole heart is the greatest command AND then, Love your neighbor as yourself.
We can't love others, if you aren't primary. First and foremost. When I was with Ryan--all I could think about was Ryan and our relationship, and the lack of peace. I stopped reading your word for a time because every time I did, my heart knew that I was not walking in your steps but in the steps I wanted for myself.
You tell me in Matthew 22: 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”
Lord, I go back to work in a few days. This story is still unfolding. I need you desperately to give me strength and peace in the first week back. Allow me to be gentle with myself. My mind may struggle to stay on task, so Lord, please give me a focus that can only come from you. Let me zero in on what you want to do in the moment and allow you to carry the conversation for next week.
Father, If I am wrong in all of this, let me know. If you do want me to move forward in walking alongside with Ryan to see if Restoration is possible---make that loud and clear. But this is my heart---torn in two-- and wanting to be know you and be known by you more and more each day.
Audrey
Father God,
The battle in my heart is raging. My heart and my flesh are battling; each with a fierce determination to win. I truly just want you...but what does that mean? How do I determine which is which?
Thank you for giving me a few days away in the presence of your nature at the Bodenstab's Lake House. Thank you for the Bodenstabs and the ways they love so deeply and genuinely. Thank you for Beth and her encouragement in trusting Jesus with the known of our story and journey. Thank you for your word and the Truth that washes over me like a deep bath for the soul.
You've given me Galatians 5:1. It has popped up over 4 times in random places over the last few days.
For Freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
Oh how I've wrestled Lord in my own strength and intellectualization to figure out what this means for me. Is fear my yoke of slavery or is it with my pride/idolatry?
But when I look at this passage, Paul was telling the Jews that they are under a new covenant. The act of circumcision and obedience to the law no longer had any part in their salvation. They are saved by grace alone. Their debt was paid already in full. Any act of earning favor with God, was living in a yoke of slavery. They are free to walk without the weight of trying to "fix it" or make it right, but to accept it as a free gift.
My fear is most about making the "wrong choice" in this situation. But you tell me, I can walk in freedom that there is not a right or wrong choice in this, because you are with me. I can be free of the pressure to figure it all out.
Lord, at times in my heart I feel that trying to seek restoration with Ryan would come from my deep pain and understanding of my own sin. I don't deserve your grace and yet in love you give it to me freely. It's almost like I would be motivated to give Ryan mercy and grace because I feel like I owe it to you for what you've done for me. And yet, this passage is saying-- Audrey- I died for you free of charge. You don't owe me anything. Stop trying to do things because you feel it would somehow pay me back. I've given you freedom to choose--to choose me first. You don't have to be a martyr. Mercy and Grace and Forgiveness don't always mean a relationship continues. Sometimes the most loving, grace-filled, and merciful thing to do is to let go. To trust Him, that it is ok to release and surrender. If God wants us to remain together--He will do it.
Letting go of hope of restoration, Lord, this is a surrender. It goes against every fiber of my being and is harder than staying in it and fighting for it. It is trusting you and wanting to obey you and let you do your work. My flesh wants to be with Ryan regardless of what that means. But my heart knows deeply that moving forward would be a path of destruction. It would be making him an idol again above you. Could you still use it if I move forward? For sure. But if you wanted to do that, my heart would not feel so afraid. YOU are FOR me. You want the best for me. I trust the letter I received was a gift from you--protecting me, and gently reminding me that I can trust that you are in me and you will not lead me astray. For you have given me a Hope and a Future. I had those gut feelings all along but didn't want to believe them when there was no proof. So why would I disregard this gut that is telling me that restoration needs to happen in you--and not include me.
I believe you can restore Ryan. I wish I could have a front row seat to watch it all. But I just need to trust him over to you. His healing is not mine, it is yours to do. I may not understand why this is what I need to do, but I trust you do. Walking in restoration with him would be more out of fear of being seen by him and others as lacking mercy and grace, rather than what I know to be true-- that walking away is sometimes the most loving thing to do.
Lord, if I continue on a path of seeking restoration of relationship with Ryan, I am walking right back into the trap of placing my relationship with him above you. I think the still small voice in my heart knows that pursuing restoration may look good on the outside, but it is not the most loving thing to do. You tell me in your word that loving YOU with my whole heart is the greatest command AND then, Love your neighbor as yourself.
We can't love others, if you aren't primary. First and foremost. When I was with Ryan--all I could think about was Ryan and our relationship, and the lack of peace. I stopped reading your word for a time because every time I did, my heart knew that I was not walking in your steps but in the steps I wanted for myself.
You tell me in Matthew 22: 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”
Lord, I go back to work in a few days. This story is still unfolding. I need you desperately to give me strength and peace in the first week back. Allow me to be gentle with myself. My mind may struggle to stay on task, so Lord, please give me a focus that can only come from you. Let me zero in on what you want to do in the moment and allow you to carry the conversation for next week.
Father, If I am wrong in all of this, let me know. If you do want me to move forward in walking alongside with Ryan to see if Restoration is possible---make that loud and clear. But this is my heart---torn in two-- and wanting to be know you and be known by you more and more each day.
Audrey
Thursday, June 28, 2018
This is Healing
God,
My veil showed up in the mail today. It felt like a cruel joke, as it punched my gut opening the package from my mailbox. And yet, I choose this. I choose doing the hard things today, rather than a lifetime you've warned me would be unnecessarily unbearable and unglorifying to you. You have truly saved me and I'm speechless thinking of your love for me and the ways you have spoken over me TRUTH in the midst of the heartbreakingly awful. It's difficult to know what you are up to in all of this, but I'm reminded of a CS Lewis quote that has always stuck with me.
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."
— C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)
— C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)
So I celebrate. I celebrate never worn veils and a wedding dress hanging in the closet untouched. I celebrate that growth and stretching that comes out of the difficult.
God, I pray over these items. If it be your will, I hope to sell these items as a symbol between you and myself of letting go of the old and embracing the new chapter you are writing in my life. God, I pray for the bride who will wear them. I pray that wearing this dress would restore it from a symbol of hurt and pain to one of joy and laughter. Bless that woman, her marriage, her spouse. Be present with her and guide her to a marriage based on the truth of who you are and not an false image of it.
God, I wanted my marriage to be one that exemplified restoration because I believe that is who you are and I know that's what you have done for me. And my prayer, is that my life would continue to shine the truth of your restoration--marriage or no marriage. I believe that you have a plan and a purpose for my life. I believe that even if I can't see it and feel lifeless at times right now-- you will continue to come through for me like you did the other day. You will continue to fight for me. Joy will return and life will continue.
Perhaps sometimes the devastating hurt, is a gift in disguise. I choose to believe that--even when I don't feel that.
Lord, this life is not my own. I don't want this to be a chapter in my story-- but it is. Please don't let it be in vain.
You have truly blessed me with dear friends, family, and encouragers. Thank you for people who remind me who I am when I have trouble remembering it. Please never let me forget what it is like to receive such intentional support and love. Make me that type of friend and neighbor.
So Lord,
I will walk in this next chapter I'll call-- This is Healing. I love you so much. I'm so sorry that I wanted what I wanted so badly, that I didn't heed your inner nudges along the way. Lord, sometimes I wonder if I could ever trust again. But I leave that in your hands. For today, grow me and stretch me to become more like you.
Amen.
Tuesday, June 19, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjF9IqvXDjY
It's been a long time since I've written. Largely, my emotions were too scary to stare at on a blank screen.
Today was quite possibly the most difficult day that I've had to date with some of the most life changing decisions.
God,
I'm so sorry that I didn't listen to those inner twinges of my gut that you have so skillfully crafted. I'm sorry that I wanted marriage so badly, that I was willing tell myself that it really wasn't you and just my fear and anxiety. Forgive me for my selfish desires, God.
But today, I have peace. I haven't had that in over a year. It's so strange to be in one of my darkest days, where everything feels like its falling apart--but yet I have a peace that this is the right decision.
All of these months I thought bravery meant disregarding my fears and pushing forward in spite of them. But today, bravery means trusting God and his goodness in my mess. It means showing up to doing hard things; validating my feelings. It means not knowing tomorrow but taking things breath by breath.
Lord, I don't deserve the people you have placed in my life who support me. Thank you for each one who has showed me such grace and care in this time.
Don't let me ever forget this moment-- to know how it feels to have people wrap around you in this type of way and may you offer me opportunity to pay it forward.
I love you, Lord.
Aud
It's been a long time since I've written. Largely, my emotions were too scary to stare at on a blank screen.
Today was quite possibly the most difficult day that I've had to date with some of the most life changing decisions.
God,
I'm so sorry that I didn't listen to those inner twinges of my gut that you have so skillfully crafted. I'm sorry that I wanted marriage so badly, that I was willing tell myself that it really wasn't you and just my fear and anxiety. Forgive me for my selfish desires, God.
But today, I have peace. I haven't had that in over a year. It's so strange to be in one of my darkest days, where everything feels like its falling apart--but yet I have a peace that this is the right decision.
All of these months I thought bravery meant disregarding my fears and pushing forward in spite of them. But today, bravery means trusting God and his goodness in my mess. It means showing up to doing hard things; validating my feelings. It means not knowing tomorrow but taking things breath by breath.
Lord, I don't deserve the people you have placed in my life who support me. Thank you for each one who has showed me such grace and care in this time.
Don't let me ever forget this moment-- to know how it feels to have people wrap around you in this type of way and may you offer me opportunity to pay it forward.
I love you, Lord.
Aud
Monday, January 01, 2018
Father God,
You never cease to amaze me. 2017 has been a year of adventures and unexpected surprises. Thanks for blessing me with the opportunity to go to Uganda, to explore your creation, meet your people, and make my world become larger than my familiar territory. And thank you for the beautiful souls that found themselves with me on that trip. Little did we know, we all needed each other in this season. Thanks for giving us technology and funds to continue these friendships to continue encouraging one another to "be of Good Courage" as Love Does.
And then, there was, Ryan. It still blows my mind that you've counted me worthy to be a part of this man's life. He is brilliant and charming, but most of all he has a depth of heart that I respect and admire. He seeks you first and foremost. God, I love him. I've never quite understood this depth of care for someone in quite this way. I want to give up everything, if it means that I would get to spend the rest of my days serving you alongside him. Lord, the fears linger in the background but thanks for giving me peace in moving forward. If nothing else, I know that even if the unforeseen would happen in our relationship, I don't doubt that the depth of my relationship with you would only grow in the midst of any adversities that could pop up. Lord, I pray for Ryan. I pray that you give him discernment and wisdom as he thinks about the timeline for our future. It's in your hands God, and I happily release my clenched fists of timelines and milestones, and I let you dictate the path that this relationship should take.
Lord, I pray in this waiting of what is to come, that you would not let me run ahead of you. Forgive me for the times when I move ahead without checking in on you. Be the pace setter of my heart. Prepare me to be the wife for Ryan that he needs me to be, so that we can both run relentlessly towards you.
I anticipate the months ahead to be full. Full of good and full of emotions. God, would you help me keep perspective in the coming months. Help me to remember what is truly important and run after that.
I don't know what courage in you is going to require of me in the next year. I can imagine a little, but I don't think I can even grasp the magnitude of it at this point. But I will cling to you.
God, I pray for those who are lonely this season. I've known what that can feel like. I also know how amazing you are when we decide to pursue you relentlessly in the face of our loneliness. Father, I pray for my friend Rita down the street. I don't know much about her but I pray for the opportunities while I still live here to get to know her heart.
Here's to what 2018 has to offer!
Audrey
You never cease to amaze me. 2017 has been a year of adventures and unexpected surprises. Thanks for blessing me with the opportunity to go to Uganda, to explore your creation, meet your people, and make my world become larger than my familiar territory. And thank you for the beautiful souls that found themselves with me on that trip. Little did we know, we all needed each other in this season. Thanks for giving us technology and funds to continue these friendships to continue encouraging one another to "be of Good Courage" as Love Does.
And then, there was, Ryan. It still blows my mind that you've counted me worthy to be a part of this man's life. He is brilliant and charming, but most of all he has a depth of heart that I respect and admire. He seeks you first and foremost. God, I love him. I've never quite understood this depth of care for someone in quite this way. I want to give up everything, if it means that I would get to spend the rest of my days serving you alongside him. Lord, the fears linger in the background but thanks for giving me peace in moving forward. If nothing else, I know that even if the unforeseen would happen in our relationship, I don't doubt that the depth of my relationship with you would only grow in the midst of any adversities that could pop up. Lord, I pray for Ryan. I pray that you give him discernment and wisdom as he thinks about the timeline for our future. It's in your hands God, and I happily release my clenched fists of timelines and milestones, and I let you dictate the path that this relationship should take.
Lord, I pray in this waiting of what is to come, that you would not let me run ahead of you. Forgive me for the times when I move ahead without checking in on you. Be the pace setter of my heart. Prepare me to be the wife for Ryan that he needs me to be, so that we can both run relentlessly towards you.
I anticipate the months ahead to be full. Full of good and full of emotions. God, would you help me keep perspective in the coming months. Help me to remember what is truly important and run after that.
I don't know what courage in you is going to require of me in the next year. I can imagine a little, but I don't think I can even grasp the magnitude of it at this point. But I will cling to you.
God, I pray for those who are lonely this season. I've known what that can feel like. I also know how amazing you are when we decide to pursue you relentlessly in the face of our loneliness. Father, I pray for my friend Rita down the street. I don't know much about her but I pray for the opportunities while I still live here to get to know her heart.
Here's to what 2018 has to offer!
Audrey
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