https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjF9IqvXDjY

It's been a long time since I've written. Largely, my emotions were too scary to stare at on a blank screen.
Today was quite possibly the most difficult day that I've had to date with some of the most life changing decisions.

God,

I'm so sorry that I didn't listen to those inner twinges of my gut that you have so skillfully crafted. I'm sorry that I wanted marriage so badly, that I was willing tell myself that it really wasn't you and just my fear and anxiety.  Forgive me for my selfish desires, God.

But today, I have peace. I haven't had that in over a year. It's so strange to be in one of my darkest days, where everything feels like its falling apart--but yet I have a peace that this is the right decision.

All of these months I thought bravery meant disregarding my fears and pushing forward in spite of them.  But today, bravery means trusting God and his goodness in my mess. It means showing up to doing hard things; validating my feelings. It means not knowing tomorrow but taking things breath by breath.

Lord, I don't deserve the people you have placed in my life who support me. Thank you for each one who has showed me such grace and care in this time.

Don't let me ever forget this moment-- to know how it feels to have people wrap around you in this type of way and may you offer me opportunity to pay it forward.

I love you, Lord.

Aud