Revelations of God Through an Ordinary Day

Sometimes it seems when we are searching so hard to find God, we miss him. This week, it was through ordinary daily activities (readings for class and bible study) that God brought up a similar concept that has been convicting me, in these two arenas. It feels almost as if God had to really highlight these areas in my life to capture my attention.

In bible study, our group is working through the book of Romans. This week in chapter 2, we talked about the legalism of the pharisees and the underlying assumption of legalistic thinking that by "doing" we can achieve salvation, or favor from God. However, the scripture degrades this thinking pointing out that it is not simple the doing of works, but a, "matter of the heart, by the Spirit, and not by the letter." It is our mindset and motivation of love, that make our works and God-honoring acts of worship.

I would say that over the years, I at times lean so far on the side of legalism, that I strive for an unobtainable perfection. The things I do are motivated by the fear of "straying from the law" rather than motivated out of love.

It's funny to see how this is starting to align with theoretical models of social work practice that I have been studying. Cognitive theoretical perspective suggests that our actions are determined and dictated by our core beliefs and assumptions. In therapy, we aim to journey with our clients into the identification of these core beliefs and assumptions that can play into our emotions and actions. We work to identify and reconstruct maladaptive beliefs, which in turn impacts a shift emotional regulation. Through Romans, I am seeing Pauls version of cognitive therapy. He is helping the pharisees identify these maladaptive thought patterns, that are motivating and driving their actions. And in the end, it is the core motivator and belief of love that resolves their thinking paradigm into something constructive and God-honoring.

In my Christan Social Work and Theology class, we have an assignment weekly to engage in different forms of spiritual disciplines. We had a discussion about the challenge of mandating spiritual practices. What is our motivation? Is it just for class or is it motivated by a genuine desire to create a space to meet God? I can honestly say, that I am excited to see where God leads through these spiritual disciplines. I long to connect with him and learn more about his character through this time. And I think through learning more about God's character, my motivations will hopefully become saturated with a focus and love and less on "achieving" love and acceptance from God. And if my thought paradigm shifts away from striving to achieve God's love, this conviction will outpour in my daily life and actions. I hope that I will demonstrate a peace and acceptance that reflects the the Grace God provides for me unconditionally--no strings attached.

I don't know if my random pondering makes sense, but I think the bottom line is that God is at work in me. He continues to pursue me by demonstrating my never-ending need to repent and accept his grace. For me, a change from my "pharisee" ways is to be more real about my struggles. I'm realizing, sometimes I would put up a front as if I have it all together, when deep inside I am a struggling sinner just like everyone else. I want to be able to share with my brothers and sisters in Christ my own struggles, and not condemn, but journey with them through their own struggles.

This song just epitomizes my journey with God the last several months!

Jimmy Needham--Yours to Take

This is my second chance
This is no song and dance
You came in and renewed a right spirit
This is grace at its best
This is taking a restless, messed up heart and having you clear it

I can feel the weight is lifting
I'm barely staying on the ground
And I can feel the wait is over
Finally the lost is found

[Chorus]
So, this is what it feels like to live life
So, this is breathing air for the very first time
The Son of man, He came here to give life
And in return He asking for mine
I've Been captured by grace
I'm not going away
I'm Yours to take

I was down for the count
I was *all* but knocked out
When I heard pardon for the interruption
Then like out of blue
Out came glorious You

You picked me up without barely any introduction
You won my heart by a landslide
You tend to do that every time
So, everything I have is Yours now
Even my very life

So, this is what it feels like to live life
So, this is breathing air for the very first time
The Son of man, He came here to give life
And in return He asking for mine,well
I've Been captured by grace
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
I'm not going away
I'm Yours to take

Your kindness leads me to repentance
Leads me to the cross, which leads me to forgiveness
So, I'm counting it all as loss


So, this is what it feels like to live life
So, this is breathing air for the very first time
The Son of man, He came here to give life
And in return He asking for mine

So, this is what it feels like to live life
So, this is breathing air for the very first time
The Son of man, He came here to give life
And in return He asking for mine
I've been captured by grace
I'm not going away
I'm Yours to take

So, this is what it feels like to live life (I'm Yours to take)
So, this is what it feels like to live life (I'm Yours to take)
So, this is what it feels like to live life (I'm Yours to take)
So, this is what it feels like to live life (I'm Yours to take)

Marinating in God's Faithfulness

Oh man, has it been a while! So much has happened since September. New friendships, new adventures, new internship, new semester--everything was brand-spanking new. Needless to say, my time was preoccupied with adjusting to this newness and trying to embrace each moment.

Now, a few months later, some of the newness has worn off. I am back in Rochester for my FINAL semester, and equipping myself for the final push to the end of this Grad School Chapter of my life. Specifically, over the past few weeks as I have prayed for God to give me clarity in decision making in several areas of my life, I have been overwhelmed by how he not only gave me wisdom on the situations but taught me more about my insecurities and my need for further dependence on him. Too often, I am finding that I feel this overwhelming burden of being, "too much" and "not enough" all at the same time. As I enter into relationships, I am driven in the way I relate to others out of this fear of being "too needy" or "too independent". I desire to be a balanced woman between these two extremes. Independent enough to be confident and trusting in God's timing and plan for my life, be not too independent that I am unable to take risks in vulnerability and realness with others.

I am sure a balance exists. And right now in my times with God, I will marinate in his faithfulness expectant that as I seek Him more closely each day, I will slowly unlock these shackles that bind me. I chose the word marinate, because it is just such a clear mental picture that helps me fully embrace God's faithfulness. When we marinate meat, we take something dead and lifeless, and saturate it in zest, spice, and goodness to produce something tantalizing and tender. It takes time to soak it all in, and it is a process--but the end result is well worth the wait.

I am the same way. I am dead and lifeless with the sin and bondage that are present in my life. But when I absorb the truth of God and his faithfulness, I am infused with renewed perspective. And it is a lifelong process. I have missed a few ingredients in my marination along the way the last few months, and as a result have perhaps not always glorified God in my words, motivations, and actions. But God's grace and faithfulness are my hope in this process. When I come to him with the shame of an uneatable product, he refines the recipe to create something fresh and new. (An ironic metaphor, since some of my most recent recipes have not turned out so well..just ask my family:) What a blessing to have hope in forgiveness and fresh starts!

His word tells me:

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control

(2 Timothy 1:7).

Perhaps, God is calling me to stop trying so hard to "be balanced"...and just allow the presence of his spirit to guide me towards acceptance of his unconditional love, which ignites a natural outpouring of contentment and fulfillment in Him. As a result, this will pour over into my relationships.

I am so thankful for each person, relationship, and situation (whether challenging or exhilarating) that have helped me come to this point of refocus. While the lull before the new semester allows me more time to process the last few months, I hope to carry what I have learned into action over the next several months. This is a new semester of refinement for me!

Objective: To become the God-honoring woman God desires me to be, and give him glory in this process of refinement.

Goals For the Next Semester

1.) Focus on Creating God Honoring Friendships

2.) Encourage others rather than tear them down in my speech

3.) Expectantly embrace the future of the unknown ahead of me with eagerness:)

4.) Enjoy the journey...including both sunshine and storms along the way!

5.) Remember and accept God's unconditional love, no matter my emotional state or circumstances

6.) Be more real and vulnerable with others

7.) Create dialogue that fuels discussion about God, faith, and our daily life journeys with people God places in my life.

7.) Take more risks

8.) Try new Things

9.) Accept the things I cannot change

10.) Laugh A Lot along the way!

If anyone who knows me reads this. Please keep me accountable:)

Thanks Friends!