Beth Moore's poem reaches down and tugs gently at the corners of my heart that need these reminders of truth. My life is so not my own, and I can only hold on to the truth that I sometimes I just need reminded. Life may look completely different than I would ever imagine or dream; but God is up there weaving together a masterful plan--with eternal purposes that can sprout from the pain, uncertainty, and anxiety of life. I will choose to trust--I will choose joy--and I will not let satan have victory in my moments of vulnerability!

The Life I Planned
by Beth Moore


Has someone seen the life I planned?
It seems it's been misplaced
I've looked in every corner
It's lost without a trace
I've found one I don't recognize
Things missing that were dear
Promises I'd hope to keep
And dreams I'd dreamed aren't here
Faces I had planned to see
Hands I planned to hold
Now absent in the pictures
Not the way I told
Has someone seen the life I planned?
Did it get thrown away?
God took my hand from searching
Then I heard him say,

"Child, your ears have never heard
Your eyes have never seen
Eternal plans I have for you
Are more than you could dream.
"You long to walk by sight
But I'm teaching eyes to see.
I know what I am doing
'Til then, you must believe."
He's done so much, I felt ashamed
To know He heard my moans
To think I'd trade in all He's done
For plans made on my own.
I wept over His faithfulness
And how He'd proved Himself
How He'd gone beyond my dreams
And said to Him myself,

"No, my ears have never heard
My eyes have never seen
Eternal plans you have for me
Are more than I could dream.
"Yes, I long to walk by sight
But You're teaching eyes to see
You know what You are doing
'Til then, I must believe."
I felt His great compassion
Mercy unrestrained
He let me mourn my losses
And showed me to my gains.
I offered Him my future
And released to Him my past
I traded in my dreams
For a plan He said would last.
I get no glimpse ahead
No certainties at all
Except the presence of the One
Who will not let me fall.
Are you also searching
For a life you planned yourself?
Have you looked in every corner?
Have you checked on every shelf?

Child, your ears have never heard
Your eyes have never seen
Eternal plans He has for you
Are more than you could dream.
Perhaps you long to walk by faith
But He's teaching eyes to see
He knows what He is doing
Child, step out and believe.

Drenched in the weight of poverty and despair of my clients, today I came home and felt weak. I felt weak to the fact that I cannot change it today, maybe not tomorrow, and maybe not years from now. I felt like my day was spent constantly battling against the forces of hopelessness that rage in the days of those I try to serve. It was one of those days that I felt like I was moving full force and doing so many things, but getting no where--like in slow motion scene of a movie.

And at the end of this day, I have to come back and thank God for it. I thank God that he is willing to entrust me with the battle for hope with each of my clients. I thank God that I do not need to lean on my own strength and understanding. I thank God that I am so weak...so that he can be strong. It's difficult...it's hard...and sometimes I question why God led me to this place, but ultimately I will choose to Trust, even when I cannot see.

I don't have every answer in life
But I'm trusting You one day at a time
'Cause You can make a weak heart stay alive forever
this is where Heaven and Earth collide
I lift my hands and give my life
This is how my weary heart stays alive

Tonight these words from Sanctus Real pummeled me. The only way I will make it...the only way I can move forward is to life my hands and trust God with this life. I can't give up hope, that he is up to something bigger than me.

Fresh Starts and New Beginnings

Fresh. Clean. New. Fragrant like the ambition radiating from freshly washed laundry, waiting to be worn for a new adventure. Today, these are the words that come to mind as I've been pondering the New Year.

I love a clean slate and a New Year. I love the reminder that life is not stagnant--it is continually changing. When life seems like it's just not picking up, we have the hope that it will change with time. Maybe not immediately or in our own time frame, but ultimately new things happen.

The New Year has prompted me to look back on the last year and really look at how much life has changed in that year. There were moments I swore I was stuck and things would never change, and then eventually things changed drastically. I think sometimes I get so swallowed by my emotions in the moment, that I completely lose sight of the fact that God is working in that time.

For Christmas this year, I bought a wardrobe for my closet-less bedroom. Since I moved into my apartment in October, my room has been a disaster. Somehow, the new wardrobe, is symbolic for me. In the pre-wardrobe phase my room seemed chaotic and in turn made me feel chaotic. But with time and patience, it now feels organized, neat, and new.

I feel like that is what Christ does for me x10000000000. He offers newness and fresh starts everyday. Sometimes in the busyness and stress of life, I know I fall captive into the trap of losing hope that change can happen. But Christ is the reminder, that each day change is possible. But we need to stop trying to take the lead, and let him be the guide--trusting that he has something great in store.

So for the year ahead, my prayer is that Christ would bolster me with faith that endures hardship, stress, and struggle. And out of that, I pray that there would be a well-spring of joy that abounds from the Truth of knowing Christ.

I may not be able to control the way things work out in the coming year. But I do have a choice to choose faith. I officially choose faith today, no matter what the next day, week, month, or year brings.

Psalm 32:8, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." (NIV)

Lord,

Thanks for loving me, even in the days I don't seem to have much faith. I pray that you would give me a heart that is renewed by your holy spirit and grounded by your word. I praise you---because you have big things in store for me this year. Help me to trust and rest in the fact that I do not need to take control. You have it all in your hands. I can keep seeking you, and you will guide me where you need me.

I pray for others who may be struggling at times to keep hope in what is unseen. Times may get difficult, but I pray that you would give us spirits of perseverance.

Amen