Stuck

Lord,
There moments, like today, where my deep need for you is forefront on my mind.  I am in a season of life where I feel stuck.  Life is full of a lot of really great stuff. You have been faithful in your provision. But lately, I feel like I am starting to settle into a consistent pattern.  And while there is good in that normalcy, there are inner parts of me craving for something new, something different.

Father, tonight I had a moment of just true introspection as I saw myself in a group environment.  I feel like as much as I lead, sometimes I'm not a "good leader". I have my ideas of how things should go and how things should run. When they don't go that way...I don't know how to respond.  Lord, this is a pattern. I don't want to be controlling. I don't want to come across as self-absorbed and self-centered and as someone who just likes to hear themselves think.  I long to be a person that brings others into the passion of a project and build others up as they contribute a wealth of insight.
But sometimes, I need you to help me to take a step back from leading. Lord, I need you to help me be the type of leader that propels other people forward in their own leadership and encourage them to grow and have some of the same opportunities others have given me.

But it doesn't come naturally to me Lord. My headstrong, get-it-done nature-- I'm sure can be off-putting to some.  And my heart grieves that.

Lord, I trust that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. But I am also keenly aware that I am broken and have such gigantic need for you.

This leadership opportunity that is in front of me..give me wisdom.  Is it best for me to step back, so others cans step up? I need to be humbled at how much I don't know. Lord, I have a lot to learn and this experience is showing me particularly in that arena where there is a plank in my eye.

But perhaps this struggle is not only a difficulty in groups.  Perhaps, it happens in interpersonal relationships too. Am I too domineering?

Father, I want to be a woman that is so entrenched in you. I want to have a heart that is not just busy with many things--but truly enamored by a connection with you and changed by who you are.

My 27th year is coming up in a few days.  Will you show me how to lead with love, and how to know the difference when sometimes that requires me to step back? Can you be present to me this year, as I seek you?

You are good God. I trust that even in my brokenness--I have purpose and significance in your sight.

With all my heart,
A