God,

I feel so much right now. I am a person who struggles with anxiety and depression.  I think that is the first time that I have allowed those words to be so starkly permanent on a page.  Throughout my life I've had these episodes every few years. They seem to strike most distinctly in the winter months after the whirlwind of Christmas subsides and can last for months.

The anxiety feels suffocating. My laid back and care free nature is replaced with a torment and daily assault of my peace of heart and contentment.  I can't ever truly place my finger on the origin.  It can be brought on by increased stress or seem out of the blue.  And often in these moments, my self-confidence shakes me to my very core. The tasks that once were effortless now seem overwhelming and insurmountable.  I celebrate the little things in these times. The fact that I completed the laundry, went to the grocery store, made a meal, got through my day.  It feels almost ridiculous to write, but when anxiety and depression loom, this is a reality.  And I know that I am not alone in this. I know many experience these episodes from time to time as well.  But there is something that makes me hide in these moments. When I feel on edge, when it feels as if some undefined catastrophic event looms in my future-- I don't want people to see me like this.  In my mind, I know that isolation does not help my situation, but the chance that people will replace their view of me based on this person I've become scares the living daylights out of me. I don't want this to be my character and how I am remembered.

But perhaps in this period, you are reminding me God that you know me. That you designed me for "such a time as this" and you love me deeply even in my weakness.  God, in the midst of this, I choose to believe that you are still Good. I choose to believe that out of the ashes you can create beauty.  I choose to believe that my story is far from done and this chapter is setting me up to love better than I have loved before.

God, when I feel this way I can become so self-focused.  This week-- can you give me eyes to see people...I mean to truly see and listen and care in a way that let's people know..I see you and I care?  God, I pray for stories to write about at the end of my week of the people you place on my path. Can you please bring people on my path this week who I can learn from?

God, can you give me new perspective this week? Help me to see opportunities rather than obstacles.
Lord, I pray for my neighbor. I don't know her background, or her story, but I pray that her heart would rest in the truth of your love for her.  God, I pray for this whole neighborhood. I don't know everyone or all that goes on behind everyone's doors, but I pray that you would be known in this neighborhood. I pray that miracles would happen in this neighborhood and people would be united in your name. God, help me to break out of my comfort zone.

Thanks for carrying my load Lord,

A