As you know God, this last weekend marked an important milestone. Ryan came to meet "my people." These are the people who know the best and worst of me. They know my history and they know what I'm capable of in the future. During the day prior to Ryan's arrival Friday night, I had this intense feeling of nerves. In a way, I felt vulnerable to open up my world to someone who may or may not be a part of my future. But there's this deep trust in my heart, Lord, that you know what your doing regardless of the outcome.
The feeling that I was going to throw up from being so nervous quickly subsided as soon as he made his way to the door. There's just something about his presence that disarms me. He has this gentle spirit and a way of always communicating a deep respect for me even with his presence.
God, he just eased into an intense weekend of meeting so many of my people with such an amazing attitude. He knew this was important to me, so therefore it was important to him. I found out later that he even had a talk with my Dad about his respect for me. Such a display of genuineness was never really a thought for me, but in retrospect it meant so much. There was just such a consistency in his stories about him and his life regardless of who talked with him.
Lord, I really like him. With the blessing of my family and friends, I feel like I can move forward. I may still get hurt in the end, but my heart is getting involved and it's getting harder to fight it. I trust you've got this. I trust that you have my future and I don't need to hold my fists so tightly that I can't be open to where you might be leading.
Lord, can you continue to show me how to communicate my care for him, at the same time protecting my heart from moving too fast?
God, while I know it's wise to get my people involved and have their insight, I pray that your voice would be the one I follow. Make your way clear, God.
I pray for Ryan, Lord, that you remain his top priority. Lord, I pray for the things we've talked about that he feels you have led him to, Lord. I pray that he would meet you there and that your character would shine through the people he meets. God, I pray that you would bring Christians that can be vulnerable and accountable and want to be rooted deeper in you.
Lord, I pray for his family. I may never meet them, but I already care about them--because I know Ryan does. God, regardless of what they may think of me or the incongruence of their values with my relationship with Ryan--may I always have a heart to remember that at the end of the day--they are holding on to what they believe to be important to them and what they believe to be important to you. And while my view of you may differ and what I believe you value, help me never to lose respect and love for these people who have loved and raised, Ryan, to make him the man he is today. God, if it be your will, I pray that you would plant seeds of openness. At the same time, I recognize their family is in a state of shock with so many health concerns right now. Lord, I pray that you bridge the gap for Ryan of where he wants his family to be and where they are right now. God--give him patience,wisdom, integrity, and character to trust you with changing their hearts rather than himself changing them.
Thanks for continuing to give me opportunities to trust, God. My heart is in this and I'm ready to be open to love--if that's what you have on the road ahead.
Love,
Aud
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