You Cannot Find Love if You Cannot Risk

My nephew has a curious obsession with spies. In his 5 year old mind, he dreams of the day he will stealthily sneak around to uncover the hidden evil of the world.  He grasped my hand as we entered the apartment complex, and warned me that only the best spies know how to keep quiet. I'm not sure if this was something he read or a sly technique his mother taught him to keep the neighbors happy. Nonetheless, it seemed like a reasonable task in our adventure as psuedo-spys.

When I start to think about my own  life though, sometimes I play the same game of spy.  I get so fearful of being manipulated, lied to, or hurt--that I feel the need to assume the worst in efforts to self-protect.  

But tonight in as I study 2nd Timothy; I took a look at Paul's love for Timothy.  But when we think of loving someone, Beth Moore writes, "It shoves you out there where your heart is exposed to the elements, to a place where you can really get hurt." She then goes on to say, "But what is life if we never love others past the rational sensibilities of self- protection." 

Golly-- guilty as charged!

I've recently been getting to know a guy I met on e-harmony.  While I've had a profile on the sites, I've never truly desired that my love story involve an online site.  Partially from bad experiences in the past, I've seen too many times a person can make themselves seem whoever they want to be when they are your only source information about their own character.  I don't think they do it out malicious intent, but I think when you are trying to impress someone many people often embellish who they are with stories of how they'd like to be portrayed. But only time and context can shape this more.

So as I develop a new friendship with this guy, I'm being stretched in a lot of good ways. I want to be wise, don't get me wrong but I'm intently choosing to give things a chance and to choose to believe the best as I continue to collect data.  But I have to throw off my spy gear, because truly loving someone even as a friend, requires our own appropriate vulnerability. It requires to be open about our beliefs, opinions, and thoughts and trust our gut and God that he will raise the warning flags if things no longer line up.  

God, that is my prayer tonight. Give me a balance of appropriate self-protection with a heart steadfast in you that is confident enough that if I get hurt--- you are the ultimate healer and will not leave me.  

Lord, your will be done in this situation. I want to honor you with my life. Give me your strength and wisdom to lead with an authentic friendship love for this new guy that can only come from your strength. Help me to love him by cautiously guarding my heart from sharing too much too soon. Lord, please be the pace setter in this relationship and give me your vision for how a future relationship might fulfill your plans and ministry for my life.

Thanks for not making me be a spy, God. I trust you got your eye on things, so I can let this up to you as the professional:)

All my heart,

Audrey