Lord,
Wow! I am just so overwhelmed and grateful that you have been strategically putting people in my life all along to prepare me for what's next with you. After praying for a long time that you would bring a mentor into my life, you did just that. I was not something I orchestrated or she orchestrated, it just happened. We were serving together and I saw something in her that made me say, "I want to learn from her" as I got to know her and see her serve alongside me.
Last night, I had the privilege of sitting with this wise woman of faith in a coffee shop to share my heart, my insecurities, and the places in me that desperately needed prayer. Lord, as I start walking towards this new relationship with Ryan, she reminded me of the importance of clinging to your word and truth. She directs me back to you and reminds of who you are and how that informs this next walk of faith.
Lord, she spoke truth into some things that I will need to let go of if I enter into this relationship. She's reminded me that you will not forsake me regardless of the outcome over the next months and years.
God, I want nothing more than for you to refine me in this process. Make me more like you. I can't do this on my own. I can't let go of the fear, if you aren't on the other end of that rope I'm holding onto. I can't keep these hands open and stop my fists from clenching tight in fear, if I don't truly know deep inside that you are going to take my hand and guide me in the good and not so good.
Lord, I was listening to Beth Moore in my 2 Timothy bible study today and she stated, "perfectionism will ruin your ministry." God, because I am in you, you have placed a calling over my life. How it will all play out is in your hands. At the end of the day though, the thorn in my flesh is perfectionism. I want to do it the right way, no mistakes. And while a desire to do the right thing isn't in and of itself bad, I have to be careful. I am a sinner in need of grace. My story gleams of that. I never want to forget the dark times in life where you came to find me and reminded me that I didn't have to be who I was and that I was a new creation. Father God, I pray that you would release me from judgement of others or self-righteousness that doesn't even the playing field. My sins may have different coverings, but inside they are still sin all the same. Help me to approach others as a fellow sinner in need of grace, wanting to grow and find the character of who you are in the everyday.
Lord, forgive me. All to often, I become like that person at the gym who tries to lift way too much weight and out of pride doesn't ask for someone to help. God, I need you to be my muscles because on my own I can't lift all that is ahead. I feel overwhelmed by how to make it all happen. But God, I give it to you and ask that you be my strength and my shield. When I want to procrastinate due to perfectionism, remind me that it is in your strength and not mine.
Thanks for being a God of redemption. Give me a heart to encourage others, as you have encouraged me.
Amen:)
With all I have,
Aud
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