Father God,

It's been a long time since I've had the deep soul need to splatter my heart out in writing to try to make sense of things.
You are so good and you have allowed this winter season to be filled with so many new and exciting experiences, people, and opportunities.  As exciting as it all is, life just feels a little full right now. You know the kind of full where if you eat anymore, your button might pop off your shirt.

And here's the thing, it's all good stuff Lord.  But I know me and I know how you've wired me and sometimes if I'm not careful-- all the really good stuff becomes sludge bursting at the seams because there is just too much of it.

Thanks for tonight,for reminding me that you've got "this". You are in the nitty gritty details and you've given me tools to wade through the mess. My mess and the mess that I step into walking alongside others.

Thanks for the gift of exercise and the tool of putting my sneakers to the pavement (or treadmill) and working out the hard stuff that way.  Lord, thanks for giving me a bit of self-control today. Sometimes when I experience something that is uncomfortable or I'm not sure what to do with, my first inclination is to run to someone I trust and process it with them. That's not bad in and of itself, but when it involves others--I'm continuing to learn that taking it to you first is always best.

Lord--one of my clients "dumped" some stuff today in the session. Over the years, I've been pretty good about not picking up their garbage bags, but rather giving them the lift to put them on the landfill pile for good.  But for some reason today, the garbage just sat with me and it just sat rotting in the depths of my heart without escaping.

I know that there is probably some "counter transference" as we call it in counseling.  It's a good reminder for me, that just like my clients, I have my own stuff. Stuff that I've felt that I've dealt with and grieved and forgiven. But sometimes that stuff still pops back up.  I'm really grateful though that you brought it to my awareness in the session, and I became intentional about not responding out of my own experience or values-- but holding to the unconditional positive regard.

Lord, I want to believe that I love the sinner and don't judge others out of my own insecurities. But I still do sometimes. I just pray that my heart would continue to be scrubbed and refined to reflect you more.

Lord, there are also so many unexpected new relationship kinds of things popping up in life. And I am totally not always graceful in knowing how to handle things. Lord, give me your eyes to address others that ultimately reflects you.

This is my ultimate prayer--God, I pray that in my days and my life, when people look at me--all they can see is the goodness and glory of who you are. Lord, life looks really different than I have planned, but I celebrate the expectancy that this timeline will ultimately make your name great beyond what I could imagine. Lord, I want people to look at my life and say, "only by the grace of God" and "He truly is a faithful God."  The details of all that, I leave to you.

I feel lighter already, releasing it all to you. Thanks for being my one and only God.

You are good---always good.

Audrey