Lord,
How do I begin to explain the words of my heart? You never cease to amaze me with the fingerprints you leave on situations that let me know you were there, thinking of me.
Some of the most impactful books I have read in my life, aside from the bible, have been spontaneous purchases from the clearance rack of the bookstore. The first was Divine Nobodies, a few years ago which I haphazardly bought for a friend's birthday. When I got home from the bookstore though, I was overcome by curiosity of what might be unfolding in this book. That night, I read the whole thing (for my friend's sake, of course:) before gently packing it up to gift. Little did I know, that book would transform how I viewed the people that God places on my path in life. It humbled me to see people as fellow journeyers and teachers in this adventure of life, no matter where they came from or where they were headed. I cannot begin to explain how this paradigm has allowed me to experience so much joy in the everyday person I encounter. Of course somedays I am better at seeing it than others, but essentially it changed my view and how I relate to others.
Now, a few years later, I was scurrying around the local christian bookstore to get a few odds and ends for a retreat with youth at my church. Sitting silently on the shelf was a book called Love Does--a steal at $5. Interestingly enough, months before I had seen the same book at another store for a much higher price and regretfully placed the book back on the shelf after an intensive internal debate on want vs. need. So anyhow, the last week as I have been delving into the book, I am just enthralled and challenged.
Lord. Can you please help me to be someone who "leaks Jesus" like Bob explains? Lord, you know that lately I've been going through the motions. Longing for excitement or newness or something..anything... to spice up life a little bit. And yet I haven't made any steps. I go to work, church, gym class, coffee with a friend here or there...and then I come home. I come home and I sit and wonder and hope that maybe life will change if I just wait.
The biggest thing I needed to hear was that adventures with you, may require seasons of waiting. But waiting does not mean inactivity. It means walking in faithful action, acknowledging that the story of our lives is a part of a much grander adventure when we walk it with you. Lord, starting today, I will be more open to putting myself out there....to not just sitting on my bed waiting for something to happen while my spiritual muscles atrophy. Nothing brilliant or amazing or fun ever happened while just sitting and waiting.
Lord...can you ignite me with intentional focus and a humble heart to seek out the opportunities for adventure that have been here all along? I want these stories to point back to you...to point to the fact that is only because of YOU that everyone can be apart of the great adventure.
Lord, I pray that just because the storyline of my life is different than I would like right now, that I won't discount the overarching plot that you have already written for my life and the plan you already wrote for its unfolding.
Lord. I want to pray courageous prayers and tonight I ask, Can you show up in my mundane everyday? Can you give me your eyes to see the beauty in the everyday? Lord. Can you show me that I am not alone--even when things get a little lonely? Can you remind me of the importance of taking initiative?
As I think back on my clearance book purchases, I find it ironic. Typically clearance books are the ones that are outdated, didn't sell well, or the store just overstocked and now needs to prepare space for new books. So they decrease the monetary value in order to make space. But what I've found most, is that monetary value does not speak to the eternal value of the wisdom and truths of these book.
What would happen if I took inventory of my heart? Might I find some hidden gems, that may be of eternal value for someone else who God has been preparing space in their heart?
Lord...I am going on a great adventure with you. Lead me to the unexpected book shelves of life that may allow me to meet you face to face in the often discounted stories of others. I pray that you would show me the deep value and worth that stem from these stories.
You are good God. Always Good.
Thanks for that!
A.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Roaming heart
Father God,
My heart has been wandering and roaming aimlessly lately. I feel confused and unclear about this winding path laying before my feet. There are desires my heart longs to have fulfilled, but the journey is met with longing for something more than the present can satisfy. Lord God, I want to see you do something miraculous. I want to see something happen that I can sit in amazement and say, "It's only because of the Father." I want to shout on the roof tops the goodness of who you are, that stems out of a heart that has been entranced by your faithfulness, goodness, and mercy.
Lord, take my life and let it be yours. Use this fragile, broken life of mine and use it for your glory. Recent events have awakened me to the easily swaying of my heart to leave this winding road for journeys of my flesh. Father God, I need your peace to break out of the captivity of anger, bitterness, and distrust. Thank you for the people you have brought on my journey.
Lord, I pray for the man that you have designed for me to marry someday, if that is your will. Lord, I pray that you would be growing him with a heart after you. I pray that you would teach me, lead me, and bring people into my life who can help me become the kind of women that man will need. Lord protect my heart and lead me to the places where your strength can be made known in my weakness.
Your beloved,
A
Monday, October 07, 2013
Words don't come easy tonight. There are so many blessings that have occurred over the last few weeks, but my mind becomes fixated and entrenched in the other mess of life. Lord, would you meet me here tonight? I need you this week. I need YOUR patience, YOUR heartfelt compassion, YOUR eyes of grace, YOUR willing spirit....because mine is just not cutting it this week.
Lord, I want to meditate on your word. I want to hold my thoughts captive and replace them with the truth of who you are....but it's just not coming easy tonight. Father, thank you for being present even when I feel at a loss of understanding. Lord help the desires of my heart to become more than just talk, but action. Help me to place my focus on things of eternal purpose, rather than fleeting circumstance.
Father, I lay before you the mess. How can I bring you glory through it? My heart is willing--I surrender it all to you. I desperately want to follow you and stick out the tough stuff. I want to do what seems impossible...but is totally possible in YOUR strength.
You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.
Isa. 26:3
Amen,
A
Lord, I want to meditate on your word. I want to hold my thoughts captive and replace them with the truth of who you are....but it's just not coming easy tonight. Father, thank you for being present even when I feel at a loss of understanding. Lord help the desires of my heart to become more than just talk, but action. Help me to place my focus on things of eternal purpose, rather than fleeting circumstance.
Father, I lay before you the mess. How can I bring you glory through it? My heart is willing--I surrender it all to you. I desperately want to follow you and stick out the tough stuff. I want to do what seems impossible...but is totally possible in YOUR strength.
You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.
Isa. 26:3
Amen,
A
Monday, September 02, 2013
Secrets of the Untamed Heart
Lord God,
Thank you for knowing my innermost being. For loving me. For desiring for me to take part in your plans to transform lives and make disciples. Lord, I think I have at times developed a big head regarding the blessings you have given me. Father, at the core I know that they are only because of Your strength, and Your wisdom, and Your graciousness that anything could be made out of my mess of a heart. But sometimes I get swept up in the whirlwind that I begin to lose sight, and am tempted to take credit. Please continue to remind me that you are in the business of using divine nobodies. And I truly am a nobody, caught in the arms of your love. Thanks for continuing to stun me with your unfolding plans. I ask that you would continue to make yourself known as I choose to walk in the murky waters of serving you.
Lord, my heart and my flesh sometimes pull me in opposite directions. I pray that I would make decisions with you and not on my own. Lord, so often I lean on my own understanding. I try to "muscle it." I try desperately to manipulate situations to match what I've dreamed up in my mind. But Lord, I pray that you will help my heart be open to roads that may look very different from what I have dreamed up in my mind. I am so thankful that I can fully trust that no matter what road I go down, if I am seeking you, you will use that situation.
You are so faithful God. I have been blessed by so many people you have brought into my path the last few months. I pray for each of these friendships, Lord, that we would be refined through them. Lord--I pray for a humble heart that would approach others as a fellow nomad, hopelessly following your path--wherever it may lead. Lord, in the moments where I question the way you have designed my personality, I pray that at the same time I can shout praise for my weaknesses. Father it's in the celebration of my weaknesses, I pray that others would be able to celebrate their own. Because you don't want perfect people. You want willing people.
Looking at the month ahead, I ask that you would continue to capture and penetrate my heart. Father, I pray that I wouldn't be left stagnant, but would hear your precious words daily that will direct my path.
You are good, father. No one compares to you!
Love,
A
Thank you for knowing my innermost being. For loving me. For desiring for me to take part in your plans to transform lives and make disciples. Lord, I think I have at times developed a big head regarding the blessings you have given me. Father, at the core I know that they are only because of Your strength, and Your wisdom, and Your graciousness that anything could be made out of my mess of a heart. But sometimes I get swept up in the whirlwind that I begin to lose sight, and am tempted to take credit. Please continue to remind me that you are in the business of using divine nobodies. And I truly am a nobody, caught in the arms of your love. Thanks for continuing to stun me with your unfolding plans. I ask that you would continue to make yourself known as I choose to walk in the murky waters of serving you.
Lord, my heart and my flesh sometimes pull me in opposite directions. I pray that I would make decisions with you and not on my own. Lord, so often I lean on my own understanding. I try to "muscle it." I try desperately to manipulate situations to match what I've dreamed up in my mind. But Lord, I pray that you will help my heart be open to roads that may look very different from what I have dreamed up in my mind. I am so thankful that I can fully trust that no matter what road I go down, if I am seeking you, you will use that situation.
You are so faithful God. I have been blessed by so many people you have brought into my path the last few months. I pray for each of these friendships, Lord, that we would be refined through them. Lord--I pray for a humble heart that would approach others as a fellow nomad, hopelessly following your path--wherever it may lead. Lord, in the moments where I question the way you have designed my personality, I pray that at the same time I can shout praise for my weaknesses. Father it's in the celebration of my weaknesses, I pray that others would be able to celebrate their own. Because you don't want perfect people. You want willing people.
Looking at the month ahead, I ask that you would continue to capture and penetrate my heart. Father, I pray that I wouldn't be left stagnant, but would hear your precious words daily that will direct my path.
You are good, father. No one compares to you!
Love,
A
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Asking the tough questions: Grace Vs Truth in Love
Lord,
It's hard to know where to begin. The last three months have been full of joyous moments and some challenging moments too. Lord, I thank you for the challenges that have prodded me to seek your heart more deeply.
Lord, I've been placed in situations that tested my willingness to extend grace. But at the same time, I was challenged to establish when grace is no longer the most loving thing to do, and setting boundaries is most necessary and healthy. I know that Satan wants me to believe that healthy boundaries means that I become controlling. But thanks for being strong for me. For helping me not to internalize self-critique that could have kept me from doing the most loving thing. I've seen my selfishness come out. I've seen pride, anxiety, and gossip come out of my mouth. I've also seen how you've convicted me of that and ask me to take action. Lord, I have messed up and not always responded as I wish I would have. Thanks for extending the same overwhelming grace to me that you gave to Peter, when he sometimes acted without thinking. Lord, show me how to love with grace AND boundaries. And how to let the responsibility for someone's relationship for you not be my responsibility...but yours. I am a willing vessel. Use me, but I ask for discernment, when I sometimes need to take a step back and say...this has to be God. Don't let me get sucked into a huge ego that would make me believe that anything I could do would ever save anyone. It's only you and the holy spirit.
Father, I pray for those who know you and have received your grace. I pray that they would not remain stagnant by the word of your grace, but would be changed by it. Please continue to bring spiritual mentors into the lives of young adults Lord. There are so many people carrying around brokenness, and just need a mature Christian to walk alongside them and speak into their lives to become more like you. But Lord, only you can ignite that desire in someones heart. They have to want you and your grace, and to desire to know who you are personally. They have to want that healing. Not because of pressure from friends or relatives, but because they recognize their deep need for you. They recognize that nothing else of this world will satisfy the unquenched need in their hearts.
Lord, I pray that you would show me the things about myself that sometimes I like to pretend are not there. Heal those areas of my life that bring me shame. Allow me to take the pressure off of myself to fix them, so that you can do it perfectly. I will never be perfect. You didn't design me to be that way. I pray though that my blundders and missteps could ultimately be used just as much for you...because you are, well, just that wonderful and capable.
Amen:)
It's hard to know where to begin. The last three months have been full of joyous moments and some challenging moments too. Lord, I thank you for the challenges that have prodded me to seek your heart more deeply.
Lord, I've been placed in situations that tested my willingness to extend grace. But at the same time, I was challenged to establish when grace is no longer the most loving thing to do, and setting boundaries is most necessary and healthy. I know that Satan wants me to believe that healthy boundaries means that I become controlling. But thanks for being strong for me. For helping me not to internalize self-critique that could have kept me from doing the most loving thing. I've seen my selfishness come out. I've seen pride, anxiety, and gossip come out of my mouth. I've also seen how you've convicted me of that and ask me to take action. Lord, I have messed up and not always responded as I wish I would have. Thanks for extending the same overwhelming grace to me that you gave to Peter, when he sometimes acted without thinking. Lord, show me how to love with grace AND boundaries. And how to let the responsibility for someone's relationship for you not be my responsibility...but yours. I am a willing vessel. Use me, but I ask for discernment, when I sometimes need to take a step back and say...this has to be God. Don't let me get sucked into a huge ego that would make me believe that anything I could do would ever save anyone. It's only you and the holy spirit.
Father, I pray for those who know you and have received your grace. I pray that they would not remain stagnant by the word of your grace, but would be changed by it. Please continue to bring spiritual mentors into the lives of young adults Lord. There are so many people carrying around brokenness, and just need a mature Christian to walk alongside them and speak into their lives to become more like you. But Lord, only you can ignite that desire in someones heart. They have to want you and your grace, and to desire to know who you are personally. They have to want that healing. Not because of pressure from friends or relatives, but because they recognize their deep need for you. They recognize that nothing else of this world will satisfy the unquenched need in their hearts.
Lord, I pray that you would show me the things about myself that sometimes I like to pretend are not there. Heal those areas of my life that bring me shame. Allow me to take the pressure off of myself to fix them, so that you can do it perfectly. I will never be perfect. You didn't design me to be that way. I pray though that my blundders and missteps could ultimately be used just as much for you...because you are, well, just that wonderful and capable.
Amen:)
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Praying for him...
Father,
Tonight I just have it on my heart to pray for the man you will have for me to marry someday. I pray Lord that he would be a man with a passion for loving and serving you and loving others first and foremost. Lord, I pray that this waiting season of my life would be well worth it, because of the incredible man that you are preparing for me. I pray that together we would reflect you better than we could apart. I pray that as each of us seek you and the passions that you have placed on our hearts, that these passions would intersect and truly highlight your perfect plan. I entrust this waiting period to you, Lord. Even if that man is not a part of your plan for me, I pray that you would raise up men after your heart who would lead by example for other christian women. Lord, I just praise you for the many ways I see you working everyday, to make your glory known. Lord, wherever he is..I pray that he would know and feel your presence!
Lots of Love,
A
Tonight I just have it on my heart to pray for the man you will have for me to marry someday. I pray Lord that he would be a man with a passion for loving and serving you and loving others first and foremost. Lord, I pray that this waiting season of my life would be well worth it, because of the incredible man that you are preparing for me. I pray that together we would reflect you better than we could apart. I pray that as each of us seek you and the passions that you have placed on our hearts, that these passions would intersect and truly highlight your perfect plan. I entrust this waiting period to you, Lord. Even if that man is not a part of your plan for me, I pray that you would raise up men after your heart who would lead by example for other christian women. Lord, I just praise you for the many ways I see you working everyday, to make your glory known. Lord, wherever he is..I pray that he would know and feel your presence!
Lots of Love,
A
Saturday, April 06, 2013
Fear is Easy, Love is Hard
Today, the word's of Jason's Gray song hit me like a ton of bricks...."Fear is Easy, Love is Hard." How true. Almost like a spiritual amnesia, I often forget this truth and the value of love over fear.
There are several things coming up that ignite overwhelming fear in me. But when I look to the cross, I become overwhelmed by a new emotion of love poured out by my Heavenly Father.
I've been studying the book of Deuteronomy and have been praying that the Lord would speak through this study--That He would not leave me the same as when I began. Now 5 weeks into the study, I feel a new yearning to know Jesus. To seek him. To become more like him.
Lord,
My prayer tonight is that in someway you would change me in ways that can only be made sense by who you are. Lord, I ask that you would be my only focus. I pray that my heart would mirror your heart. That I would bear much fruit for YOUR kingdom.
Father, please bring opportunity into my life this week to share your goodness and love with someone who may need it. Whoever that person is, I pray for him or her right now Lord. Prepare their hearts for you. I pray that you would help me to not get distracted from my focus on you.
You are the meaning and purpose for my life.You know me better than I know myself. I pray that even when I don't understand, I would have faith in your love and will for my life. Lord, I pray that I would not get caught up in dreaming of the future, but rather I would be able to celebrate and rejoice in what you have before me right now. Lord, remind me who I am in you, when the loneliness of this season sets in. I pray I would run to you, as the One and only who can fill up this heart.
Lord, my heart is to someday get married. I leave that in your hands, but I pray that you would make me into the kind of woman that would attract a man that is seeking wholeheartedly after you. I don't know who he is tonight, Lord. I pray that you would strengthen Him. I pray that you would bring other Godly men alongside Him as accountability and encouragement. And most importantly Lord, I pray that he would have a steadfast boldness that seeks to weather the storms of life in a way that bears much fruit. Lord, I pray that whatever you bring me to and through in my time of singleness, you would use to prepare me for this relationship. Lord, remind me of the truth of who I am in you, when the loneliness of this season sets in. I pray I would run to you, as the One and only who can fill up this heart. Show me how to glorify you with my time.
Thanks for hearing my heart. I feel so much comfort in knowing that you care so deeply about the things of my heart.
Please be with each of the girls in my mpact group, Lord. I pray that they would develop a passion for you that bears fruit and encourages others to seek after you. This is not something that I can do Lord...it is a passion that can only come from you.
Please be with me friends here and afar who are ministering to others. May you truly shine through their lives and into the lives of others.
Father--I lift up women across the country who are stuck in the bondage of human trafficking. Lord, I pray that your supernatural power would break these bonds that leave the women feeling worthless. I pray that you would bring others into their lives who can bring the hope of your death and resurrection to set them free. I pray for the restoration of these women.
Father, please be with North Star Initiative. I pray that you would be at work in the lives of people throughout Lancaster County. I pray for overwhelming support to finance the Harbor Home. I pray for the staff you have planned for this home, that you would be at work in their lives right now to prepare them for the challenging yet joyous journey ahead.
In your precious name,
Amen:)
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
The Law of Love and Account of God's Faithfulness
It's been a while since I've written of my encounters with God's faithfulness. That's not to say there haven't been moments that shouted of God's glory, but I perhaps was not as intentional about documenting them. Today was one of those days that God reached down in the depths and quenched my deep thirst and wrestling. Work has been a total challenge and test of faith, with many changes coming down the pike. With the population to whom I work, steps towards life change can be tough to see and can take a long process (as it is for all humans--but particularly the population that I work). There are many many days when I feel defeated. I wonder if my work has any meaning or is making any impact at all. But today...today I had a day where God open flood gates of change for one of my patients. As many times as I felt like more of a bother than a help to this patient, the consistency burst forth into big change in the midst of crisis. I had been praying specifically for this woman for several months and often felt defeated when in her moments of suffering, all I could say was..."this has to be terribly difficult. I am so sorry that there are not resources available to meet your need at this time." But, in miraculous ways God came through and met her need today. To see hope re-emerge through her smile--reminded me that God is faithful in his own timing. And in small way--God reminded me that even though I am weak and incapable--he is strong and able.
I am incredibly blessed to be one of the leaders for a jr. high group at my church. Tonight we dug into God's word in Deuteronomy. We were blown away that God came through on his promises to Abraham--even if the fruits of those promises only came generations later. "The Lord your God has multiplied you, and behold, you are today as numerous as the stars of heaven.May the LORD, the God of your fathers, make you a thousand times as many as you are and bless you, as he has promised you." Deuteronomy 1:10-12
-Deut. 1:21-- See, the Lord your God has set the land before you. Go up, take possession, as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has told you. Do not fear or be dismayed.
- Deut. 1:30-- The LORD your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes.
As I continue to journey into the wilderness of the unknown with my job and my future, I will continue to hold onto these truths. When I begin to lose focus and feel like I need to fix things for my patients, I need to remember this experience. God will come through--IN HIS TIME. I may never see a change--but God will still be at work. He asks me to persevere in the difficulty--To continue to love, when it is easier to abandon. To keep hope--when it is easier to become frustrated and apathetic.
Father,
Thank you for speaking through Deuteronomy. I praise you for meeting me here and making yourself known. You are so faithful. Forgive me when I doubt you. For the moments where I fear and worry because I feel I need to fix and solve and make things better. Thanks for the humbling reminder that YOU are in control and I don't need to take that into my own hands. This battle with control is a life long struggle--but thanks for sticking with me in this fight. And in general...Thanks for fighting for me, Lord. If it be your will, I pray for more opportunities to shout of your faithfulness.
Your daughter,
A
I am incredibly blessed to be one of the leaders for a jr. high group at my church. Tonight we dug into God's word in Deuteronomy. We were blown away that God came through on his promises to Abraham--even if the fruits of those promises only came generations later. "The Lord your God has multiplied you, and behold, you are today as numerous as the stars of heaven.May the LORD, the God of your fathers, make you a thousand times as many as you are and bless you, as he has promised you." Deuteronomy 1:10-12
-Deut. 1:21-- See, the Lord your God has set the land before you. Go up, take possession, as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has told you. Do not fear or be dismayed.
- Deut. 1:30-- The LORD your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes.
As I continue to journey into the wilderness of the unknown with my job and my future, I will continue to hold onto these truths. When I begin to lose focus and feel like I need to fix things for my patients, I need to remember this experience. God will come through--IN HIS TIME. I may never see a change--but God will still be at work. He asks me to persevere in the difficulty--To continue to love, when it is easier to abandon. To keep hope--when it is easier to become frustrated and apathetic.
Father,
Thank you for speaking through Deuteronomy. I praise you for meeting me here and making yourself known. You are so faithful. Forgive me when I doubt you. For the moments where I fear and worry because I feel I need to fix and solve and make things better. Thanks for the humbling reminder that YOU are in control and I don't need to take that into my own hands. This battle with control is a life long struggle--but thanks for sticking with me in this fight. And in general...Thanks for fighting for me, Lord. If it be your will, I pray for more opportunities to shout of your faithfulness.
Your daughter,
A
Laura Story--Faithful God
May the grace that sought my heart on that first day
Be the grace that binds my heart to stay
May the truth that opened up my eyes on that first time
Be the thoughts on my mind that never go away
For You are a lamp to my feet
A light to my path
You're the hand that's holding me
Faithful God, every promise kept
Every need You've met, faithful God
May the love that caught my heart to set it free
Be the love that others see in me
And may this hope that reaches to the depths of human need
Be the song that I sing in joy and suffering
For You are the love that never leaves
The friend that won't deceive
You're the one sure thing
Faithful God, every promise kept
Every need You've met, faithful God
All I am and all I'll ever be
Is all because You love faithfully
Faithful God
How deep, how wide the love
That pierced His side, the love
Redemption's mine, oh love
That will not let me go
How deep Your love
How deep, how wide the love
That pierced His side, the love
Redemption's mine, oh love
That will not let me go
How deep, how wide the love
That pierced His side, the love
Redemption's mine, oh love
That will not let me go
Faithful God, every promise kept
Every need You've met, faithful God
All I am and all I'll ever be
Is all because You love faithfully
Faithful God, faithful God
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Coming out of Hibernation
It's been some time since I've last written. The last few months have been a bit of a season of hibernation for me. This seems to happen at some point every winter. My heart begins to mimic the cold temperatures outside and I seek refuge in secluding myself from being seen in such a state. I've tried to fight this urge to hibernate away, and yet it seems my heart needs it to be able to fully recover and re-engage in life with renewed vision and purpose. It's as if in this funk, God shows me how desperate I truly am for Him--how much my life, fulfillment, and purpose can only be found in Him and Him alone. But in these slumps, I often get into a wrestling match with God. I hurl questions and accusations his way--questioning his goodness and plan for my life. Throughout the fight, my selfishness is regurgitated back to the surface and exposed at its deepest roots. It's in these moments of exposure that my shame sends me to the corner of the boxing ring to hide. But my relentless opponent shines the light on me. He encourages me to continue to provoke Him with questions, so that He can show me just how strong He truly is. He can love me in this state, even when I don't understand why.
And at some point, I have have to let my heart embrace GRACE. His GRACE is just too transforming to hide from. It is God's grace that kindles warmth and thaws out my cold and hardened heart. It's this GRACE that gently whispers---"The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:4-8
Today, I choose joy again. I choose to let God permeate my everyday--to lead me places that sometimes, I'd rather not go--these places of the unknown, the places where the possibility of failure lurks, and the places I will learn how truly weak I am. But in these places, I pray that I would experience a known God in the unknown. I pray that I would experience God's mercy, grace, hope, provision, and perfection in my failure. I pray that I would experience God's supernatural strength and resilience in the face of my own weakness. And ultimately--I pray that I would move forward with confidence and an unspeakable joy that cannot come from my own strength. I say joy--not happiness. Joy transcends circumstances-happiness depends on the right circumstances.
Lord, I may never fully understand why you've designed me with a tendency to hibernate at times. But I pray, that as I dig out of this frigid state--you would re-ignite the flame of joy in my heart. Don't let me continue to hide. Develop in me a heart that encourages people to draw closer to you. Infuse me with your genuine compassion and concern, discernment, and love for others. Show me how to truly rest in you, so that I don't burn out.
I surrender in this wrestling match. Even though we both know I never stood a chance--thanks for humoring me:)
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
A quarter of a century
Today is a big day. It's my quarter of a century birthday. It's funny how God continues to capture me with the little things in each day. My birthday present from God today took the form of a half day at work, due to a hurricane fake out. It was the best of all worlds...minimal damage with maximum relaxation:) My prayers go out to those in other parts of the East significantly terrorized by the storm though.
So...good timing to think ahead for the next quarter of life. Lately, Romans 8:28, keeps popping into my head at times through the song "Your love never fails." I pray that in this next quarter...I would grasp the following truth from their lyrics:
Your Love Never Fails By Jesus Culture
Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails
I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails
Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/jesus-culture-your-love-never-fails-lyrics.html ]
And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails
Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone here in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails
The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails
Bridge:
You make all things work together for my good
I know Romans 8:28 can sometimes be taken out of context. We may think that God will give us everything that we desire, exactly as we see it working out. But I think the truth is, God's plans are far greater than our own. Even when the winds blow and the storm rages, God is in that. He is in the moments where we doubt. He is in the moments where we turn away. But he is just as much in the moments where he uses difficult circumstances for our good, because His good is ultimately Our good!
Here's to the next quarter of life...walking in faith that no matter what happens...all things are worked out for our good!!
So...good timing to think ahead for the next quarter of life. Lately, Romans 8:28, keeps popping into my head at times through the song "Your love never fails." I pray that in this next quarter...I would grasp the following truth from their lyrics:
Your Love Never Fails By Jesus Culture
Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails
I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails
Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/jesus-culture-your-love-never-fails-lyrics.html ]
And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails
Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone here in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails
The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails
Bridge:
You make all things work together for my good
I know Romans 8:28 can sometimes be taken out of context. We may think that God will give us everything that we desire, exactly as we see it working out. But I think the truth is, God's plans are far greater than our own. Even when the winds blow and the storm rages, God is in that. He is in the moments where we doubt. He is in the moments where we turn away. But he is just as much in the moments where he uses difficult circumstances for our good, because His good is ultimately Our good!
Here's to the next quarter of life...walking in faith that no matter what happens...all things are worked out for our good!!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Mission Statement for Life
It's been a while. I am always processing, what seems to be a million thoughts at a time. However, at the core--I think this one encompasses a lot of my thoughts lately. How do I make decisions? How do I decide how to act, think, react? What's the best way to evaluate my heart? At core--what beliefs are driving my actions?
Most corporations, churches, non-profits have a mission statement. This mission statement is the overarching beliefs of the organization--it's the theological backing of why we do what we do. It is this mission that dictates the direction and action of the organization--the programs that are provided--where money is funded, who the targeted beneficiary of services will be, etc. When you look at a healthy organization and all the action items, you automatically can see how each action item is a clear action that flows out of the core values expressed in the mission statement.
If I had a mission statement for my life--what would it be? Are the action items of my life, turning back to reflect the things that I say that I believe in the deepest parts of who I am? Or am I running like a mismanaged organization---saying my mission is one thing, but acting in a way that reflects a totally different direction? So when I say that God is sovereign, faithful, omniscient, holy, wise, infinite, omnipotent,loving, just, self-sufficient, merciful, unchanging, gracious, and omnipresent---do my actions reflect these truths? Does my lack of patience reflect a life founded on having a creator with these qualities--does it reflect that I trust these qualities to be true?
My Life Mission Statement: To live a life that by my very being, speaks into the joy, hope, grace, mercy, transforming power and truth gifted to me by Christ. It is my life mission, that every decision, word, and action would bring Christ glory because of His sacrifice for my life and reflect my thankful and undeserving heart.
Lord, my prayer is that in the everyday, I would keep this mission statement on my mind. When I am not sure how to respond, choose, act, or speak-- I pray-that I would hold all my options against this mission statement--against the truth I know to be true about you. I pray that when I speak--people would see my heart to honor you first and foremost. When I serve--that others would see the actions speaking out of a heart of praise and humbleness before God. When I discern which way to go--that others would see a heart so captured by Christ, that God's desires naturally become my own desires.
You know the specific life application for all this thought and prayer. Lord, I just pray that my actions would speak out of a heart founded on your Truth and Love. Lord apart from you--I am nothing. Please help me to continue to pursue a strong foundation and allow me to seek you with all my heart.
Thanks for pursuing me, Lord. Thanks for loving the unloveable parts of me. And thanks for never giving up on me. Your the best! I pray that this same truth that I am learning, this same passion you are creating in my heart will also be evoked in the whole Lancaster County community and beyond. I pray for the Church--that out of the wellspring of who you are--Truth would shine bright and change lives around the world! Please be with all the leaders who have power to evoke action in their organizations. I pray that when they look back at their mission--it would reflect your heart! Lord, above all else..tonight I pray Proverbs 4:23---guard my heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Let me heart reflect your mission statement for my life!
Amen:)
Monday, August 27, 2012
The Blessing of a Burden
"May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace. May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, and starvation, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy. And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done. May God bless you with the weirdest blessing possible--his divine burden."
--Craig Groeschel
I have not written for a while. Lately, I suppose I've been processing life internally, rather than sprawling it all out on the computer screen. I'm realizing my true nature as a woman comes out in my inability to "just let things go" and my need to process my experiences and emotions thoroughly, over and over again until I can come to some terms or acceptance of it all.
Recently, I watched my all-time favorite movie, Freedom Writers. One of the best quotes of the movie, is when the father of a inner-city teacher, who was once discouraging of his daughter's passion for the work, states, "You are blessed with a burden, my daughter." To be blessed with a burden?? It's sounds absurd and yet I've experienced so much truth in it.
I love the mystery of God's divine nature. It shows up in the unlikely people, events, and emotions. As someone who's default is to suppress anger or emotion, it is refreshing to think that these emotions can provoke and ignite godly passion.
Over the last few weeks, I've gotten to know a woman who has fallen through the cracks in every possible way in society.Few people in the community will give her the time of day, based on her mental illness--and yet when I've weeded through the jumbled speech, I found that her story is haunting, but her joy is infectious. This woman has taught me so much about trust, hope, and grace. And as her story came has been unfolding, advocacy is no longer good enough. Advocacy has to prompt Action. And in my case, it's my extreme anger at the system and apathy of enabling the status quo that bring me broiling to the brim.
I am learning that anger in and of itself is not bad. It's what you do with it that can be productive/harmful. So, as I leave it before the Lord to guide my response to this emotional tug of war---I pray that my anger would initiate action. God's action. You see, Jesus saw our sins. It left him emotionally disheartened and outright angry at human's sinful nature. And yet, he did not let the anger bog him down. He let the anger initiate action. His action---death on the cross.
The prayer written above by Craig Groeschel, is my prayer. I pray that the holy spirit would be at work in my heart to seek action in the face of anger. To pursue the divine moments of the everyday, with the faith that God will meet me there. I pray for the wisdom in how to know when to speak and when to be silent, sometimes a huge struggle for me.
I will forever be a work in progress. But thank the Lord, he loves me too much to let me hide these emotions. He asks me to put them out on display and allow him to make them divinely beautiful, in a way only his touch can do.
Father God,
I want to give it all to you. To lay it down and say I am willing to fully walk away and trust you and your provision. I struggle with the feeling some days that anytime anything good happens, it will just be taken away. Lord, I need your help to trust that your plans for me--your eternal purposes--- are far better than anything here on Earth can offer. I give you the things of my heart I've been clinging to, and hold them with an open hand (yours to give or take away). I pray that these truths would resonate in my heart and shadow my every thought. I pray for a patient heart, Lord. A heart that patiently waits for you and your timing, rather than my own timeline and agenda. Just like Hannah, in 1st Samuel, Lord I pray that I would endure the enticement of coveting what others have and continue to pray for your divine fulfillment and your purposeful design behind all the hills and valleys of life. You have already poured so many blessings into my life. I pray that these blessings would come back to bring you glory.
Amen
--Craig Groeschel
I have not written for a while. Lately, I suppose I've been processing life internally, rather than sprawling it all out on the computer screen. I'm realizing my true nature as a woman comes out in my inability to "just let things go" and my need to process my experiences and emotions thoroughly, over and over again until I can come to some terms or acceptance of it all.
Recently, I watched my all-time favorite movie, Freedom Writers. One of the best quotes of the movie, is when the father of a inner-city teacher, who was once discouraging of his daughter's passion for the work, states, "You are blessed with a burden, my daughter." To be blessed with a burden?? It's sounds absurd and yet I've experienced so much truth in it.
I love the mystery of God's divine nature. It shows up in the unlikely people, events, and emotions. As someone who's default is to suppress anger or emotion, it is refreshing to think that these emotions can provoke and ignite godly passion.
Over the last few weeks, I've gotten to know a woman who has fallen through the cracks in every possible way in society.Few people in the community will give her the time of day, based on her mental illness--and yet when I've weeded through the jumbled speech, I found that her story is haunting, but her joy is infectious. This woman has taught me so much about trust, hope, and grace. And as her story came has been unfolding, advocacy is no longer good enough. Advocacy has to prompt Action. And in my case, it's my extreme anger at the system and apathy of enabling the status quo that bring me broiling to the brim.
I am learning that anger in and of itself is not bad. It's what you do with it that can be productive/harmful. So, as I leave it before the Lord to guide my response to this emotional tug of war---I pray that my anger would initiate action. God's action. You see, Jesus saw our sins. It left him emotionally disheartened and outright angry at human's sinful nature. And yet, he did not let the anger bog him down. He let the anger initiate action. His action---death on the cross.
The prayer written above by Craig Groeschel, is my prayer. I pray that the holy spirit would be at work in my heart to seek action in the face of anger. To pursue the divine moments of the everyday, with the faith that God will meet me there. I pray for the wisdom in how to know when to speak and when to be silent, sometimes a huge struggle for me.
I will forever be a work in progress. But thank the Lord, he loves me too much to let me hide these emotions. He asks me to put them out on display and allow him to make them divinely beautiful, in a way only his touch can do.
Father God,
I want to give it all to you. To lay it down and say I am willing to fully walk away and trust you and your provision. I struggle with the feeling some days that anytime anything good happens, it will just be taken away. Lord, I need your help to trust that your plans for me--your eternal purposes--- are far better than anything here on Earth can offer. I give you the things of my heart I've been clinging to, and hold them with an open hand (yours to give or take away). I pray that these truths would resonate in my heart and shadow my every thought. I pray for a patient heart, Lord. A heart that patiently waits for you and your timing, rather than my own timeline and agenda. Just like Hannah, in 1st Samuel, Lord I pray that I would endure the enticement of coveting what others have and continue to pray for your divine fulfillment and your purposeful design behind all the hills and valleys of life. You have already poured so many blessings into my life. I pray that these blessings would come back to bring you glory.
Amen
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