The Sweet Sweet Reunion with Fall:)

Coming out from work tonight...it was CHILLY!!!!! And that means only one thing.....Fall is on it's way. Right now...I should be packing for a retreat I am going on with church this weekend....but writing seemed like such a better option. Packing is something I strongly despise.

So...this week has been euphoric. It felt like it was the coming together of a year of great plans the Lord has in store. 1.) I started my new job and am so stoked about it. Nervous..yes, but totally excited. 2.) Kristen and I got an apartment!! AND...it's extremely close to work which is super exciting. 3.) MPACT is ramping up and I cannot wait to meet the girls in my group. 4.) My other part-time/ 1 night a week job is going so well and I get so pumped every time I see improvements, no matter how big or small with my clients. 5.) The Lord has been truly blessing me with a bunch of new friends--totally an answer to prayer.

So Praise the Lord for a Great WEEK! bahhhhh...now back to packing.

Coming to the Well

Leave it all behind,
Leave it all behind,
Leave it all behind,
Leave it all behind,

I have what you need,
But you keep on searchin,
I've done all the work,
But you keep on workin,
When you're runnin on empty,
And you can't find the remedy,
Just come to the well.

You can spend your whole life,
Chasin what's missing,
But that empty inside,
It just ain't gonna listen.
When nothing can satisfy,
And the world leaves you high and dry,
Just come to the well

CHORUS:
And all who thirst will thirst no more,
And all who search will find what their souls long for,
The world will try, but it can never fill,
So leave it all behind, and come to the well
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/casting_crowns/the_well.html ]
So bring me your heart
No matter how broken,
Just come as you are,
When your last prayer is spoken,
Just rest in my arms a while,
You'll feel the change my child,
When you come to the well

CHORUS:
And all who thirst will thirst no more,
And all who search will find what their souls long for,
The world will try, but it can never fill,
So leave it all behind, and come to the well

Yeah
Leave it all behind

The world will try, but it can never fill... leave it all behind

And now that you're full,
Of love beyond measure,
Your joy's gonna flow,
Like a stream in the desert,
Soon all the world will see that living water is found in me,
Cuz you came to the well

CHORUS:
And all who thirst will thirst no more,
And all who search will find what their souls long for,
The world will try, but it can never fill,
So leave it all behind, and come to the well

Last night, I sat scrunched in the front of my chevy cobalt, with the pitter patter of the seemingly endless rain storm harmonizing with the lyrics above. I was coming home from bible study, where the pastor eloquently emphasized that in our race towards Christ, we need to not only memorialize and remember the moments of God faithfulness, but forget and leave behind the things/lies in life that have no place or value next to the truth of God's faithfulness.

The lyrics washed over me like a warmth, in the chill of the coming fall--"And now that you're full of love beyond measure, your joy's gonna flow, like a stream in the desert, soon all the world will see that living water is found in me. Cuz you came to the well--Leave it all behind"

I just sat there, drinking in this truth. For that moment, my heart went back to the beginning. The memories flooded my mind of that day, back in middle school where Christ came searching for me. That day at Circle K camp, where he pursued me and told me I didn't have to be who I was...I could be made new. And since that moment the moments of God's faithfulness have been innumerable, scattered among the cracks and moments of fear, pain, uncertainty.

So what keeps me from drinking deep of that truth every moment of my life? Of course, my humanness and sinful nature. The Lord has done a work in me and has transformed me over the years, certainly has much more work to do. But I still have struggles that only the fulfillment of Christ and the holy spirit can overcome. My issues of pride. My issues of entitlement.

It was my prayer in that moment, that the Lord would help me let go of these holes I've been digging with pride and entitlement, and the life experiences I have been holding onto that produce these struggles.

When I look to the story of Jesus with the Samaritan woman in John 4, He came upon a woman thirsting for so much more than her current living. And he gave her life, true life that day.He stated, "Everyone who drinks this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." He broke the cultural norms of men speaking to women and risked his reputation for the sake of her eternal life.

So when I lack humility and the desire for affirmation temporarily fills that void in my heart, I pray that the holy spirit would remind me, "You have true water to quench that thirst in Christ, seek Him and what he says about you--believe it and you will want no more.

When I feel like I finally find something comfortable and it seems to be taken away, and I prompted to say, "That's not fair--I deserve to have that just like everyone else", I pray the Holy spirit will reside over that sense of entitlement. Did Christ promise a comfortable life catered to our wishes? No. Did Christ promise if we trust in Him, we would be filled? Yes. Did he promise it would be easy? No. Did he promise us it would be worth it? Yes.

Most recently, I found this in a situation in my life where I was starting to feel like I had found a small niche. A place I could connect. And then I found out this niche was going to change. The big "C" word.."Change". My initial reaction was like everyone elses, "That's not fair." "Everyone else has a niche why can't we have ours?"....and it's taken time for me to pray about it and ask the Lord what he desires for my response to be. And it appears in scripture to be one of willingness to have faith. It appears to be an invitation from God to not live comfortable, but to be intentional about allowing God to create a new niche...maybe even better than the old one. Suddenly, the excitement for something different, something new...seems like an opportunity for what the Lord has presently. It's like He's saying, I know you felt like I had met a need for you in this...but I love you so much....that I'm going to step things up a notch and meet your needs in a far greater way than you think possible. It may not be packaged like you think...but just wait and trust..live intentionally for me..and I will meet you there!

God is so Good....and I love his subtle nudges and welcoming whispers that fill up my wells until they pour out over the edges. Last year, I really felt the Lord speaking about overflow, and it's moments like this that I memorialize God's faithfulness for faithfully fulfilling my prayer, that began over a year ago!

Thank you Lord!!!

The Truth about Faith

The truth is....having faith is scary. It means trusting that there is ultimate purpose designed greater than my eyes can see. It means taking action out of faith, trusting that though we may fail, God is greater.

I've been pondering over what it means to live life with others and what it means to minister to others. The more I grapple with this topic, I find that living life with others is messy. It is filled with people's junk from years and years of unfortunate life circumstances and choices. Living life together means, being willing to not only help carry someone else's burden to lighten the load, but it also means being willing to let them share in your own. Living life together means taking risks. It means being willing to set yourself up for potential persecution. Ministry is scary. I had never thought about it before, until a recent ministry demonstrated the areas of potential liability. It's important to have boundaries, to keep things safe. But, I always carry this fear, that my faith in the good of people, will come back to haunt me. Am I too trusting? Am I too naive? When I see another person in need and I want to do something, do I just have a savior complex?

What's the boundary between meeting a need and doing good/ but staying safe.

When Christ calls us to ministry, he never says it will be safe. He never says it will be easy. And he actually says we will encounter trials of many kinds. But...he also says...I will be with you always...I will love you until the ends of the Earth....and will meet your every need.

So, as I step further into ministry opportunities this year, I will hold onto the words of Christ:

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.

Isaiah 43:2

And to do so requires faith. Only great things happen by faith. Hebrews 11:30 reminds me that, "By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after he people had marched around them for seven days". Can you imagine, the people just walked for 7 days...tired, weary, but determined to remain steadfast in faith that God would fulfill his promises. So this year..I look forward to leading with faith and trusting in the Lord to catch me when I fall and set me back on solid ground.

I'm scared that I will not be able to handle everyone's junk. Yes, I have a degree in social work, but that does not mean I have all the answers. I pray that the Lord would continually rejuvenate me in my time in the word and in prayer, and with fellow believers. And I pray that through the junk of people's lives, the beauty and transforming power of Christ would shine through.

Lord,

I'm scared for the year ahead. You are bringing people into my path who have heavy burdens Lord. On my own Lord, I cannot carry their burdens. But, I know you can and have carried them since that day on the cross. I pray for wisdom and guidance in my interactions with these people. Lord, I just pray that you would bring each person to a point where they desire life change and desire to seek you fully and whole heartily. I pray that you would lay forgiveness on their hearts. Lord, give me the humility to admit when I do not know the answer. I want to do your will Lord, so I pray that if it be your will, I would learn to trust you more deeply and become more like you each day.

In your name,

Audrey

The arrival of autumn

Some days I feel so inspired by an idea or though, or perplexed by frustration/stress, that I can't wait to write. Today though, I have little inspiration. But, I do have some updates. I have passed my social work licensure exam and got a full-time job as a hospital based social worker/case manager. I am super excited that theses pieces are slowly coming together and I am really looking forward to what the next year has in store for me:)

I just pray that this is a year of great growth for me both spiritually and personally. And that I can learn how to love others more deeply and live life in community better than I have in the past. I pray that I will accomplish some of the dreams and goals the Lord has laid on my heart and keep stepping forward "one step at a time".

Summer is coming to an end. This summer has flown by at points and seemed like it would never end at others. These days, I am thoroughly enjoying the cooler days sans the humidity and the few days I have left before my full time job is in place. While things are coming together with the job, etc. I still need to be patient with getting an apartment. I need a little more time to build up my finances so that I can successfully navigate life in my own place and the responsibilities that go along with it.

In my devotions this morning...this was my challenge:

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?

Matthew 7:3

How often do I get frustrated/annoyed with others...only to realize my frustration is really about my own difficulty in that area I am frustrated with them about. Hopefully, these moments prompt me to make change in my own life, so I can get the plank out of my own eye:)

Also...a recent quote by C.S. Lewis that I am absolutely in love with.....

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."
— C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)

Inconvenience or Opportunity?

These days, my schedule seems unruly and scattered on my Google calendar. Each event or to-do is neatly painted with a corresponding color to indicate the type of item on the schedule (Job 1, Job2, Work, Family, Social, etc.). I'm a bit type A, I know. But the time I take to color code creates a pretty good visual for me, how much time each week I am spending on different categories of life. I like to think it is a little immediate check or balance when my calendar pops up on the screen.

Its funny, because when I look at how I spend my time, I can almost predict what the state of my heart is that week. Was I spending time with the Lord, or was I spending more time in entertainment/work? I should preface this with saying, that I believe spending time with friends to some extent can constitute for time with God alongside one on one time with the big guy, as they are an important part of encouragement in my spiritual life.

I titled this post inconvenience or opportunity, because lately I've found myself getting annoyed by little "inconveniences". Needing to go back to work, because I forgot something. Running errands and writing case notes on a day where I would much rather be outside in the sun.

These days (well this week anyway), I'm working at seeing these "inconveniences" more as opportunities. That 2nd trip to work allows me more time in my car to listen to worship music and bask in the goodness of God. Next to outdoor runs, my car is the next best place where I feel like I connect to God. Weird, huh? I'm trying to infuse God into even the mundane tasks. Writing case notes is a cool opportunity to thank God for each of the unique people I get to interact with. It's a chance to allow the holy spirit to guide my treatment plans. Somehow...all of a sudden these "inconveniences" are becoming more of adventures beyond what I can see:)

I think sometimes we (well I should speak for myself--"I")--tend to do the same thing with friendships. I'm a devoted friend, when I have time. But when my google calendar is a splattered rainbow canvas, with little white space--I find excuses not to call a friend or go out of my way to volunteer for this or that. Sometimes, I seek out friendship when I need it. When things aren't going so well or I need extra support---I reach out to friends. But what about when I am not in need? Do I follow up with friends in the everyday--when it may not be as convenient? To be honest--not as much as I should.

I recently took a facebook hiatus for 2 weeks. Funny, how I made more of an effort to contact people via phone or in person when facebook was not a convenient tool for catching up. Hopefully...this is another area that I can continue to grow in. I feel like this time of life for me is a major period of growth. I've been blessed with a lot of opportunities to seek out the opportunity in inconvenience. I get to give God my undivided attention, without the concerns of significant others, etc. And, I have to time to delve into who God is calling me to be. I'm a work in progress, but I'm really enjoying this time!

Check this out http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=1CB0CNNU

.....and I challenge you to embrace the opportunity of inconvenience. Jesus' death on the cross was in no way convenient--but he saw the opportunity for us in the inconvenience.

Worlds Worst Blogger

So, it's been a while. I may just be the world's worst blogger...or maybe it just means that I have been too busy enjoying life to take the time to write:)

Life has been busy and fun, with a lot of new changes and new starts coming down the pipeline. I accepted a part-time job as a therapist, and will be able to also get a full-time day job as well. I am waiting patiently for the rest to fall in place! I am really excited to have a consistent schedule again too! My roommate from College, Kristen, just recently got a job in Lancaster and we anticipate getting an apartment together in the Fall, God-willing. I am also doing the research job until a full-time job is in place, which has been really great. It also been fun to have had a beach trip, a trip to Baltimore, and a few weddings to keep things interesting and fun:)

I have had the blessing of being a part of a team of young adults from my church that served in Lancaster City last week. I feel like the whole experience taught me a lot about myself and things that I can be working on, in my own life. I was encouraged by the perseverance, hope, and faith many of the people I encountered on the trip exhibited in the face of many life trials. I hope that when I encounter difficult times in my own life, I can exhibit the same trust in God, that they had shown me.

Here are some of the areas I have been convicted on lately and really need to work on (somehow writing these things down helps motivate me to take action more than just talking about them). The first step to change, is admitting the problem, right?

An issue of Pride--- I've noticed a lot of times, I am not the most humble person. I crave affirmation, and will often times highlight the successes in my life, hoping that they will overshadow my shortcomings. Sometimes, I find myself exaggerating my successes. If I'm truthful to myself, this is probably more a cover up for any shame I may feel about the reality of whatever it is I am exaggerating than anything else.

So what's my goal? What do I envision change in this area to look like for me?

--HUMILITY-- I want to be able to be honest and open about my shortcomings. I want to be able to laugh about and accept the fact that I lose things a lot and that's just the way God made me. Life's more of an adventure when you are on a daily scavenger hunt for your keys, right?

When I didn't get the job, I felt confident that I had bagged, I want to be humbled by the experience. I don't want to make excuses like, " Oh well, I probably was just overqualified." Rather, I want to say, " I gave it my best shot and I really liked the organization, but there was another person who was a better fit and could serve the organization better than me. When I'm talking with someone, I wouldn't blurt out or find a way in conversation to state that I have my graduate degree in social work. I would celebrate the opportunity to serve someone else, privately, rather than publicizing what happened. I want to be able to ask for help from others when I need it. These are just some examples, but you get the premise. Primarily, 2 verses come to mind, that really remind me of how to approach a lifestyle of humility. Because when it comes down to it, our weakness is the common denominator that connects each human. We all have weakness.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,

Matthew 6:3

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An issue of Self-Centerdness- I'm finding that a lot of times when I am upset about something, the stem or root of my feelings are anchored in something I don't like about myself. I'm glad that I am more aware of this these days. However, I still find myself getting wrapped up in my own thoughts/feelings that I miss out on the opportunity to really see people through the eyes of Christ.

What will change look like?-- I would be less focused on my needs and more focused on the needs of those around me. Rather than trying to interrupting/or trying to force my ideas into a conversation, I would listen to the person talking and think about what they are saying for deeply. I am sure I have some things of value to share, but a lot of times I miss what is really behind what someone is saying because I am too busy thinking about what I want to say next.

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Lack of motivation- Running and exercise is something that I have really enjoyed in the past. But lately, with the heat and quite frankly my laziness, I haven't been getting my butt running or much exercise. I've found plenty of non-active alternatives (ie-job resumes, work documentation, etc.) that I've used to justify my laziness. It needs to stop! I don't want to just talk about my desire to run, I want to actually do it! I really want to get a gym membership somewhere that has a pool. That's something I loved at Roberts. However, the finances are just not there right now for that. I need to be a little more creative in this weather!

What will improvement look like?

-Weekly intentionality about doing things to keep active. Once I have the funds, joining a gym with a pool, getting involved in some exercise classes, etc. to switch things up a bit.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, I know it's not the New Year, but these are my Summer Resolutions:)

Let's pray that the Lord helps me to work towards change in these areas!

****My Favorite Song of the Week*******************

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExQXTWHptt4

May Your Power Rest on Me

Written by Joel Gerdis and Neil Robins

Dm







C(Dm)















Gm

Let 
me 
hear
 my
 Savior
 say“Your
 strength
 shall
 return”Then 
I’ll
 rejoice
 in 
my 
weakness

As
 I
 lean
 on
 your
 grace.


Dm Bb

As 
I 
lean
 on
 your
 grace.

Chorus:

F 





Gm

May
 your 
power 
rest 
on 
me.




 Dm Bb

You 
are
 strong
 when
 I
 am
 weak

F 







Gm
(C
)

I
 can 
bear 
all
 things 
when 
temptation
 springs

Dm Bb

For 
you 
sustain
 me 
all
 my
 days

Let
 me 
know 
my
 Savior’s
 face

Let 
my 
hope
 be 
secure

Then 
I’ll 
rejoice 
in 
my
 weakness

As 
I 
lean 
on
 your 
grace

As
 I 
lean
 on 
your 
grace

Chorus

Gm

Once 
from 
the 
Lord
 withdrawn

Dm C

I 
thought
 that
 I
could
 live 
my 
life 
alone

Gm

Leaving 
the 
solid 
ground


Dm C

I 
sank
 beneath
 His 
wisdom

Gm 




Gm/A
­
Bb F Bbm

The
 harder 
I 
tried 
to
 climb

The
 closer
 I
 was 
to 
find
 how
 great 
is 
my
 weakness

Though 
the 
trial
 still 
goes 
on

Your
 grace
 will
 be
 my 
song

For 
I
 can 
bear
 all
 things
 when 
temptation 
springs

For 
you 
sustain
 me
 all
 my 
days

Intentionally Sowing Seeds for Abundant Fruit...of the Spirit that is

In the early stages of my "Christian life", the topic of the holy spirit was mildly understood. I knew I had accepted the Lord at camp that summers day in seventh grade, but I had no idea the the power and need for the Holy Spirit on my spiritual journey. I did not realize that it is the Holy Spirit that would lead me in my times of reading scripture, prayer, and just seeking to know Jesus more. It is through the sending of the Holy Spirit that I can develop a relationship with Christ,which ultimately leads me to experiencing the fullness of God.

I don't believe that faith should just be about emotion. Even when we feel distant from God, he is just as much there as when we are on a spiritual high in our faith life. However, I can clearly identify several times in my life, that I truly feel that I was prompted by the holy spirit. Sometimes I answered this calling...and other times I denied or came up with excuses for God as to why I really shouldn't follow through. Needless to say, when I have followed through with this prompting of the holy spirit, I am not sure how the Lord used it, but I know through Faith I can believe that he was at work.

The other night, I had an experience that felt like it the hand prints of God written all over it. I had a random dream that I was in a field with tall grass, sitting on a log. Out of nowhere, the Lord spoke to me in the dream and told me to read 1st Thessalonians. All of a sudden a bible appeared in my hands and I instantly began reading. Then, I woke up. Now, I don't normally remember my dreams. It is a rare occurrence when this happens. Also, I have no idea where 1st Thessalonians came from...I don't remember this book of the bible coming up in the last few weeks. So anyway...as soon as I got up I grabbed my Bible and began reading. The verse below was the passage that really stood out to me (through the holy spirit I assume). Funny thing...later that afternoon I was cleaning my room and downloaded an old sermon from my church, picking from a whole list of options. Right in the middle of the sermon....plopped the verse below from 1st Thessalonians. I think my jaw hit the floor. Are you trying to tell me something Lord?

Anyway....I was challenge that it is the Holy Spirit in me, that will sow the seeds for the fruits of the spirit (Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Gentleness, & Self-Control). I really hope that God displays these fruits of the spirit through my character. For my own strength cannot produce this fruit, it has to come out of the fertile soil of Christ. As I seek out the Lord's will...I am challenged to find full contentment in Christ first....give Thanks to Him...and the rest will fall into place.

I am an adventurer at heart. So, I intentionally seeking out the thrill of something new. But what does it really mean to live intentionally for Christ each day? How can I continue to intentionally seek out spiritual growth, more than I do other adventures? I pray that I can continually seek to be intentional about seeking out God in the little things of my day--from the tickle of the sunshine on my forehead to the the crunch of green grass beneath my toes. He has made all things to bring us joy daily. I hope to intentionally be joyful always and celebrate the hand prints of God in each day.

And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil. May God, himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.

1st Thessalonians 5:14-24

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Psalm 51: 10-12

"The best things are nearest, breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of God just before you."

Robert Louis Stevenson

Loving this song this week:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYMM3FYPv30

Spring's Number One Fan

I think it's official. I just may be the BIGGEST fan of spring. This morning I got up and headed out for my first run since getting back to Lancaster. My oh my..am I outta shape:) I am so thankful that it was such a gorgeous day and the beautiful scenery will hopeful motivate me to get on a more consistent running schedule again.

I started on my usual path weaving past amish farms towards a neighborhood of gorgeous estates set back among ancient oaks and a rolling stream. Normally I would stick to this path. But today, I decided to go down a road that I had no idea where it would end up. To my surprise the further I got, the more beautiful the scenery became. There were archways blanketed with lilac that permeated the air with incredible aromas. It was simply beautiful and I could not help but praise the Lord for his gorgeous creation.

It's kind of ironic though. The new road on my running path was quite synonymous to my life. You see, sometimes I fear the unknown. I stick to my current path of life because it is comfortable. It is easy and predictable. I know the bends in the road on this path like the back of my hand. I could run it in my sleep. While there is nothing wrong with running on the comfortable path, when we are open to a new path it can result in an adventure far better and beautiful than the what we could even imagine on the comfortable path. I may not know the new path so well, so I will probably trip on my feet and stumble along the unknown on this path. The journey is largely about the end destination, but it takes appreciating both the hills and the valleys--stumbles and falls--perseverance, endurance and discipline to truly appreciate the end.

So how does this apply, you may be saying? I am excitedly preparing, praying, and waiting for the next path God has for me. Right now I am overwhelmed by the wealth of social work opportunities out there. An MSW opens the door to a wide variety of options.

But now I have some decisions to make. I can stay on the comfortable path and just apply to jobs here in Lancaster. That would be comfortable and safe. It would not be wrong by any means and I have full belief that God can be at work in me here. But, what if an opportunity arises to go off my comfortable path, and somewhere less comfortable? It may just lead to a path far more beautiful than I can imagine! So maybe this means sending out applications outside the general Lancaster area, and just providing a space for doors to open, should it be the Lords will.

Anywho..I just think it is funny how God uses these simple little things in my day to point back to Him. His ultimate hand will be with me, whatever path I take. When I get distracted and led off course by other things, he will ultimately always be waiting with open arms on the right path. When he is acting as a traffic guide..trying to point me in the right direction, and I spit in his face and go the other way, He will smile and say," It hurts me that you chose that way, but I will always love you. You are never too far off the path to get back on." He will be cheering me on from the sidelines and waiting at the finish. What a faithful and loving God we have who just desires for us to know Him through a relationship with his son.

For my 3 readers out there:)....if you have a free minute, please pray. Please pray that a job opportunity would come along that I am passionate about! I pray that this job would combine my gifts in a way that I can really serve the LORD each day.

I just praise the Lord for giving me a sense of peace, patience, and contentment as I wait for the right job.

**Please let me know how I can be praying for you too, friends. I would love to lift you up in prayer)

Welp....gotta get back to unpacking. How did I acquire all this stuff?? A summer yard sale is definitely in order!!

Have a super day!

The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.- Proverbs 16:9

Just call me Jeremiah

3 Days!!! I can hardly believe that graduation is coming up on Saturday. My time in Rochester has been quite the wild ride. I feel so blessed to have had this opportunity and will miss plenty of people and experiences which have continued to help me grow towards Christ (although I must admit I will not miss Rochester winters). However, the Lord is really working in my heart and pumping me up for the next phase of our adventure together. Destination.....Lancaster, PA (a commonwealth/not a state:)...AKA...amish paradise, the 717, or LancLanc.

A few nights ago, I had chai tea too late in the night (You would think I would have learned by now that it is not a good idea)...which resulted in a crazy amount of energy at 3 am. Since my eyelids just wouldn't allow me to fade into a pleasant slumber, I resorted to the next best thing. Actually, THE best thing. I grabbed my bible and headed out on the deck, basking in the glow of the stars!

I've been wanting to read through the book of Jeremiah and really delve in. So, I started that night.

Oh my goodness...God is so good and knows what I needed the most. Over the past few months, I have felt like Jeremiah-- Not doubting God's existence, but doubting his sovereignty and ability to use a broken nobody like me or even love my brokeness. I needed to be able to hope and dream about the future again and be able to trust in his purposeful design. So, the Lord leads me to Jeremiah 1, where I read about how the Lord came to Jeremiah with a pretty serious calling. And as I read about Jeremiah and his spiritual mountains and deserts, I found comfort that even the people God calls to do great things go through the deserts from time to time. I was reading an online bible study(http://www.easyenglish.info/problems/tpaou10-pbw.htm) on Jeremiah that just really put things into perspective:

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"So, we see that other people in the Bible had doubts. Jeremiah was not the only one. Many people think that Jeremiah is special. They think that he was the greatest *prophet in the Old Testament (the first part of the Bible). His messages had special value in two ways. First, he understood how very great God is. His messages to the people show this.

Then there is his personal life of prayer. The passages about this have a name. They are ‘The Confessions of Jeremiah’ (what he confessed). These passages need special study. They are: Jeremiah 11:18-23; 12:1-6; 15:10-21; 17:9-10, 14-18; 18:18-23 and 20:7-18. Here, he is not standing in front of the people.

No, he is on his knees in front of God. He is crying out to God in awful pain and despair. He cannot understand his suffering. His messages are a failure. Then, worst of all, God himself does not seem to care about him. In these passages, Jeremiah seems very real. They show a loyal man of God. He was in a powerful struggle with his enemies. There were enemies both inside and outside himself. When he had talked with God, he could speak to the people. He could give strong messages from God, without fear.

God called him to a very difficult task. He had a hard message to give. He had to declare it very clearly. He must tell his people that punishment would come soon (1:14-17). He realised just how awful that punishment would be. This was because of his type of character. Things affected him very much. He also had a strong imagination. (Read 4:19-31.) He saw clearly things that were going to happen soon. It was just as if he was reporting events as they happened.

The *prophet’s message was not popular. The society that he gave it to was content. The people were happy with things as they were. They felt that their religion made them safe. This made his task much harder.

There were many false *prophets at that time. The people liked them. The false *prophets said that there was nothing wrong. So there was no reason for the people to be anxious. (Read Jeremiah 5:11-14, 30-31 and 6:13-14.) God’s people tried to make themselves feel better too. The ceremonies of their religion made them feel safe. They did not understand an important fact. It is this. If there is no true love for God, ceremonies have no meaning.

H. L. Ellison is a writer. He wrote a book about the *prophets. Its title is: ‘Men Spoke from God’. He shows how much the people were trusting in things. They trusted in:

· the *Temple (Jeremiah 7:1-4)

· *sacrifices (Jeremiah 7:21-22)

· the *Holy Box (Jeremiah 3:16)

· *circumcision (Jeremiah 9:25, 26)

· the *Law (Jeremiah 8:8, 9. Read Exodus 20.)

All these things were very important. But something could make them of no use at all. It was a lack of love for God and other people (Jeremiah 7:5-6).

So, Jeremiah had a very hard task. He did not want to do it (1:6-8; 20:7-10). I have given a brief account of the nation’s *spiritual state. This makes it easier to understand the *prophet’s problems.

But we will now study one part of his trouble. Jeremiah had the problem of doubt.

1 Jeremiah suffered much pain and despair

He never doubted that God was real. But at times he seemed to doubt the *sovereignty of God. God had called him into his service. At times, he seemed to feel that God was unfair. It was unfair of God to call him into his service (20:7-8). He wished that he had never come into the world. This happened more than once (15:10; 20:14-18).

This shows that he did not understand how God rules over people. God’s rule involves practical things. It also has *spiritual importance. At times, Jeremiah had a glimpse of these great truths. One f these times is in 17:12. The *prophet speaks about God’s throne (king’s special chair).

Someone may doubt that God exists. Then something else has usually happened first. That person may have had other serious doubts. The doubts have been about what God is like. They may have been about how God acts. The person may have asked, ‘Why does this trouble happen to me?’ This is a natural question. But it can lead him to doubt God’s *sovereignty. He may ask if God is really ruling.

We must turn to the Bible for immediate help. It will stop doubt when it begins. If we fail to do this, the devil will use our lack of certainty. He will use it to take away all our certainties. We will doubt God’s *sovereignty. We will also even doubt that God exists. We begin with: ‘Perhaps God does not really care.’ We end with: ‘Perhaps God is not really there.’

So, we must put our confidence in God’s Word, the Bible. ‘Our *Lord God rules. He is All-Powerful.’ (Read Revelation 19:6.) Here is a wonderful fact. This fact does not change. It comforts us. It remains true whatever happens. It remains true whatever I feel like. God has not stopped being king. The events in my life are not just accidents. God rules! Things do not happen by chance.

We must notice something else.

2 Doubt is often not the only problem

We must be honest about this. Doubt often comes when we have let other matters control our lives. This means that we have lost our trust in God’s *sovereignty. So, the difficulties in life seem to be very great. Then we begin to doubt God’s love. We may even doubt that he exists.

This happened in Jeremiah’s life. At the beginning of his work for God, he was very brave. He accused the people of turning away from God. God was like ‘a supply of fresh water’ (2:13). Now, he is feeling full of despair. He cries to God. He says: ‘*Lord, I think that you have changed. You are like a supply of water that became dry. So it stopped’ (15:18). Maybe there were some serious weaknesses in the *prophet’s *spiritual life. These things would allow doubts to enter his mind. They would lead to a lack of certainty. ts to enter his mind. They would lead to a lack of certainty.

2.1 He felt disappointed

His work for God seemed to be a complete failure. (Read 7:25-28 and 13:15-17.) He would have been so happy if people had returned to the *Lord. But this did not happen.

There is an important lesson for us here. God may give us some work to do for him. We must be loyal and continue the work whatever happens. This is more important than success. When results are most important to us, we are in danger. We can stop wanting to bring honour to God. We can start trying to prove our own worth instead.

2.2 He felt bitter

This often follows on from disappointment. God has not worked in the way that we hoped or planned. Jeremiah felt like this (20:7-8).

2.3 He felt pity for himself

This was the next wrong thing. The *prophet felt very miserable. Nobody seemed to know or care about his feelings. He was very, very lonely. (Read 15:17-18; 16:2-9.) He suffered more stress than most of us will ever have. Perhaps this stress caused his character to become weaker.

It was a terrible time for the *prophet. But he went back to have true *faith in God. He realised that God could supply all his needs. His experience can help us. We may have doubts too. We might have a similar difficulty. There are things that we can do. The *prophet’s experience shows important truths. We will now study these.

Like Jeremiah, we must:

3 Allow God to examine and show us all parts of our lives

(Jeremiah 12:3; 15:19 and 17:9-10 are important here.) All Jeremiah’s thoughts were about the nation. He had no fear as he spoke about their lack of reality. He forgot that he must be completely sincere in his own life.

The *prophet was concentrating on the people’s ‘return’ to God. But God said to him: ‘If you return, then you can serve me’ (15:4). Jeremiah was full of pain and despair. God comes to him. He reminds the *prophet about his job. He must help people to change. He must not change and become like the people (15:19b).

We need something else too. We should be ready to:

4 Remember God’s great promises in the past

Read Jeremiah 15:20 with 1:18, 19.) God had spoken some great words to Jeremiah. He did this at the beginning of the *prophet’s work. Jeremiah’s job was going to be very hard. But God encouraged him. Later, Jeremiah had doubts. He was suffering very much. Then God spoke the same words to him again.

You may have forgotten a great promise of God. It helped you very much in the past. So, listen to the same Bible words again. Trust his great promises. He will give you strength and protection. Best of all, God himself will always be with you.

When we have doubts, we should do something else too. We should:

5 Trust God completely, whatever our feelings may be

(We may feel that God has gone away from us.) At first, this is a matter of discipline. Read Jeremiah 17:5-13. Here Jeremiah realises something. He sees that it is foolish to go to anyone else for help. Do not let your heart go away from the *Lord. This is how Jeremiah would say it. You might feel that God has left you. But he has not. Let your hope be in the *Lord (17:7). Your life may be hard. Then look to him (17:8). Trust in his promises. They do not change. (Read 1 Peter 1:4; Joshua 21:45; 23:14; 1 Kings 8:56 and Numbers 23:19.)

Then we must:

6 Recognise again the *sovereignty of God

(Read Jeremiah 17:12.) Perhaps your life is not what you wanted it to be. But what God wants is always best. Remember Romans 8:28. Something happens when we recognise his *sovereignty. We are sure about God again (17:13). Jeremiah had stopped believing and trusting God. Now he starts to trust God again. The *Lord really is like ‘a supply of fresh water’. (Read Jeremiah 15:18 and 2:13.) God is not like ‘the supply that became dry. So it stopped.’

When you have doubts, you must:

7 Continue to pray

You must do this even when you do not feel like it. You may not be sure that prayer is worthwhile. But you must still pray. This is the great thing about Jeremiah. Even at his worst times, he continued to pray. Sometimes it seemed that he only complained to God. But he continued to pray. Nothing stopped him. (Read Jeremiah 12:1-3; 15:15; 17:14 and 20:7-12.) Jeremiah prayed clearly and in an honest way.

Often, we are sad about our difficulties, problems and doubts. But we keep our feelings out of our prayers. Then these things become like a wall between us and God. Someone has said: ‘To deal with doubt you must let it get out!’

Believe that a better time will come. You will be able to believe God again. Until that time, prove the worth of the faith that you once had. We can all know that God will never leave us.

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I realize this is super long, but I have just been hanging on every word. God is so good!

So anyways...after talking one of my best gal pals from home and talking about my struggle with vulnerability and realness with others---she challenged me to not just talk about wanting to be vulnerable and real with others...but to do it. That was just the kick in the pants I needed. Thanks:) So......I have decided to share my Blog with others. The very thought scares me, but I suppose it can never hurt to let others in on the crazy world inside my brain. Enter with caution though...it is not for the faint of heart;)

and p.s.....Did God let my heart begin to dream again or what!

Everything from starting a cute cafe/ministry called Soup for the Soul that serves tasty soup....but a percentage of the bill is donated to the local soup kitchen to opening a ministry center for teen girls with eating disorders.

While I know these may just simply be dreams...they excited me and allow me to be passionate about God again. Perhaps my journey will look quite different...but the Lord still tells me the same thing he tells Jeremiah:

"Do not say, 'I am only a child. You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord. The the Lord reached out out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now I have put my owrds in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant."

Jeremiah 1:7-10

So as I wrap thing up here in Rochester.........I will expectantly wait for the Lord to surprise me with future adventures with Him that I cannot yet begin to imagine. And the exciting thing is...this adventure is not just for me...but for everyone and anyone who is willing to step out in faith and say...I love you Lord...I trust you Lord...I know you died and paid the ultimate penalty for me....and I know I need you. And when we acknowledge this...he says.."You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Beginning to Believe Again

This morning, I got up early on an early morning run with a friend along the canal. I was so renewed as we ran, prayed, and encouraged one another. These runs along the canal and the fellowship with friends along the way will be some of what I miss most about Rochester when I leave. I hope that I can find this again when I move back to Lancaster!

Before I came to Rochester, I felt confident that the Lord had some major reason for me to move here. In the beginning, the Lord was really showing me the woman I truly was and the woman I desired to be for HIM. Somewhere along the way, I had lost that hope and confidence. I felt like maybe I had just fulled myself. Maybe it was all just wishful thinking.

But today...as I heard this song pop up on Pandora, by Ginny Owens, I was reminded that even if this journey wasn't quite how I had planned, there were A LOT of lessons learned. I am once again believing that God had a purpose for my Rochester experience, if only to grow in greater understanding of my need for HIM!!! I want to live a life the honors and glorifies him....but I want it to all be a result of Him and not my own efforts. It's exciting to know that my life journey is only beginning and the next year will hold a lot of "newness" and time requiring lots of patience and endurance. I am ready for my next adventure with God. I am so excited to be dreaming again about all that God is capable of and I am thrilled to see what passions he places upon my heart in the next year. Fresh starts are always an opportunity for God to work in unimaginable ways:)

If you want me to

Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I dont know the reason why you brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I will go through the valley
If You want me to

CHORUS:
Now I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my own
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

Rereading the book Captivating the other night. I came across this section and just thought that it was just what God has been speaking into my life.

"God wants to live this life together with you, to share in your days and decisions, your desires and disappointments. He wants intimacy with you in the midst of the madness and mundane, the meetings and memos, the laundry and lists, the carpools and conversations and projects and pain. He wants to pour his love into your heart and he longs to have you pour your into his. He wants your deep heart, that center place within that is the trues you. He is not interested in intimacy with the woman you think you are supposed to be. He wants intimacy with the real you." (p.121)

Oh my goodness... Lord...that struck me in the deepest corners of my heart. I am constantly trying to come before you acting like the woman I think you want me to be. I am not real with you. Even though you know me better than I know myself...I have this unconscious belief that if I pretend and hide, you will love me. But you really want to know me. To know my deepest fears, insecurities, short comings. You want me to speak to you as a best friend, confidant, and father.

Why am I so afraid of the person you have created me to be? You have purpose for my life. I want to adventure with you and I want to captivate you Lord. Please be with me on this journey.

Vulnerability

vul·ner·a·ble: a. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury.

guard·ed: 3. Cautious; restrained

Emotions we have not poured out in the safe hands of God can turn into feelings of hopelessness and depression. God is safe. ~Beth Moore

Oh vulnerability...who knew you would be such a challenge for me. Over the last several months it has come to my attention how difficulty is for me to let my guard down. It is hard for me to let people in, to let them see my hurt, pain, and struggles. It's as if I have this constant need to hide the person God has made me ...good,bad, and ugly.

Maybe my struggle to be vulnerable with others is related to my inability to do the same with God. Maybe I hold things back from him out of shame. I want transformation.....I want to be made new.....but I have to let God do it from the inside out...and it will take time. Wounds of the heart can open quickly....but they take time to heal. I have to be patient with God and with myself..even though my impatient heart is crying out for it now!

I was watching the Beth Moore Video...the healing heart...and I just felt encouraged to once again lay it all before the Lord. But she states that we cannot just let God heal at the surface level, we have to let him heal to the deepest roots of our pain, shame, guilt, and sin. Otherwise, the hurt will continue to resurface at the utter scratch of the wound in the future. It sounds so good and perfect....but I'll be honest...it's hard for me to imagine what it would look like for these wounds I have been carrying to be fully healed. I feel like the same wounds that I think have been healed...fester and explode.

Lord...Show me how to open up....teach me how to love. I am not sure right now if I truly know what it means to love. And maybe that is because I am not allowing God's love to heal this broken heart. I am trying to "will it". But Lord...I give it up to you AGAIN.....and I pray for the deepest healing and transformation I have yet to see. The next few months hold a lot of unknowns.....but I still trust with a weary heart that you have something bigger in store.