For this week, I chose the spiritual discipline of devotional reading. Specifically, exercise #1. This exercise focuses on Mark 10:46-52, the story of the healing of the blind man, Bartimaeus. As I read the verses aloud, several words and verses jumped out to me. Specifically, "Cheer up! On your feet! He's calling you." and "Your faith has healed you."
In the second part, you were to imagine yourself in the story. As I imagined myself at the scene of this great event, I experienced overwhelming amazement at the miracle presented before me. I was struck by the power of faith to heal Bartimaues. I imagined the crowd around me at the scene, chattering wildly trying to make sense of the miracle they had witnessed. And in that moment, I could feel a contagious spirit of a new found belief ignited in my heart and the hearts of those surrounding me. I imagined experiencing a deep sense of desire and calling to actively choose faith amidst undesirable circumstances, just like Bartimaeus.
For the third section, the exercise had the reader respond to the reading in an uncensored prayer of thoughts and requests, holding nothing back. I decided to write out my thoughts and prayers. My response was as follows:
Lord, I desire for faith like Bartimaues. I want to have the same expectant hope that prompts me to lay everything before you, fully expectant that by faith you will respond to my call and great need for you. I give you my past, present, and future and choose to have faith, even when circumstances cause me to doubt. Out of undesireable circumstances, you are capable of bringing healing, hope, and new ways of seeing. Open my eyes like Bartimaues, to see every person and situation through your lens.
Your disciples called out to Bartimaeus, "Cheer up! On your feet! He's calling you." You are asking the same of me. You are asking me to put aside my anxieties, doubts, pain, confusion, and act out of faith. I will get off the ground, allow you to help me on my feet, and respond to your calling to renewed perspective. And as I choose to take action, I will expectantly wait to see you at work in small and big ways in the world around me.Just like Bartimaeus, Lord, I cry, "Rabbi, I want to see."
You are saying to me,"Audrey, it is all about choice." I can choose a lens of bitterness and resentment or I can choose to greet each day with hope in the potential each new day brings. I can choose to find joy in the simple things--the smile of a stranger, the smell of spring pending in the air, or the boisterous giggle of a friend. For it is all apart of your creation, uniquely designed to cater to the hearts of your children. You are calling me to have faith that when I seek you, I will find you. In the small decisions and the big decisions--you are there. Whether I choose this job or that job...you will be in each one, if I only have the faith to seek you. By faith, I must believe that you have purpose for my life. You can take each twist and turn of life and make it something beautiful. And as I choose to have faith and see things through your eyes, I am healed.
I will choose to follow you down the rest of this curvy road of life, grasping your hand for assurance that you will never loosen your grip on me--all the days of my life.Use me for your glory Lord, and lead me where you need me. I am ready to follow by faith.
Thanks for meeting me in this moment of scripture, Lord. It is so good to meet with you once again:)
The final section asked the reader to take God's word from the scripture with them the rest of the day. I was so surprised as I went throughout the day. Several times, I was tempted to get discouraged by negative thoughts. But in those moments, I remembered the words, "Cheer up! On your feet! He's calling you." And in those moments, I immediately took hold of those negative thoughts, laid them before God, and chose joy instead. What a difference this has made in my day!
This week's experience has been so refreshing. I am overwhelmed with emotion, as I once again feel God's presence. I am coming to see that periods of life that feel like a dry, spiritual desert make the moments where we experience God's presence that much more vibrant and real. I am sure I will experience a spiritual desert again in my life, but I must cling to the faith that God will lead me through it once again. I believe the development of spiritual maturity sometimes requires us to dredge through the sand of the dessert, to get back to solid spiritual ground.The deserts are not easy or fun, but they are necessary and beneficial. I am coming away from this desert, made new. I am not who I was, but I am not yet who I will be. There is so much growing yet to be done.
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